The Grafted Vine

Status Update

2011-05-04T02:16:00.003-04:00

Eh, so much for my New Year's Resolution. We've been incredibly busy!

In February, we finally got our "Randy", and we are just waiting through the mandatory six months before we can officially petition for adoption. He fits in well, and is doing great here, and we are so blessed to have him!

As for the three girls, the situation has changed fairly dramatically, and it looks highly possible that they will return home. Of course, I can't share the specifics of their situation, but I really believe that this would be wrong for them. I've tried very hard to separate myself, and to look at this objectively, and the conclusion is still the same. My goal though, is to give it to God, and know that He is taking care of all of us.

It's been such a tough year so far. I lost my grandmother this January, very suddenly, just one year after her husband died. I wasn't even able to see her before she passed away because I was sick, and they just will not let you visit ICU patients when you are visibly ill (go figure). But the last thing she said to me was that she thought it was great that I was raising a large family, just like her. She herself had 9 children and close to 20 grandchildren, and so out of anybody in my life, she really understood. She was a very special, amazing lady, and I miss her.

Not even a week after my grandmother passed away, my husband's uncle died very unexpectedly, and, unlike my grandmother, he was fairly young and had children and grandchildren and a wife who needed him and were massively grieved at his death. If memory serves, he was in his early fifties, and had no known health issues. I've often heard the old folks say, "The good Lord giveth, and the good Lord taketh away". And so He does.

The chaos level in my house is at an all time high. The three girls are struggling with all of the back and forth, and extended visits and such. The result is highly violent behavior directed at us. It's like something has taken over these three that I love, and they are practically strangers to us now.

Sorry that this has been such a melancholy post-- but that's life right now. We are trying our best to remember who is in control... but it sometimes difficult beyond my abilities. To see so many friends and family struggling around us is not particularly helpful. I know that we've got to turn a corner soon.

A miracle?

2010-12-28T13:22:00.002-05:00

Two days in a row! Woohoo!

It's been a rough set of months, as we've mourned the absence of Indie and Sassy. Here, I am willing to admit that I've grown distant from God-- depressed, really, and weathering my days without much enthusiasm. Added to this has been the search for a new church, which really broke my heart. It took us well over a year to get settled in a new one, and that only occurred a couple of months ago. Even still, I feel like we are all battle-scarred by the process, just now looking for ways to invest ourselves in our new one. I"m very optimistic about the prospect, and I respect the pastor. If only I could be more like Mia Tiffany, who is already volunteering with the kids, where she excels. I miss doing high school ministry-- I know that we are called to it, and we are praying about how best to pick it back up.

In other news that I forgot to mention yesterday, JP finished his last college class! He will be walking in May, but is still all finished. I'm so proud of him! It's also really nice to have my honey back. Speaking of which, he has also started a business, which God very specifically called him to. It's slow starting, but all in God's timing.

Today, I find myself pondering our path again, which I do fairly often. I'm starting to see a foster care finish line down the road, and I wonder if 2011 will be our last year. I'm beginning to feel a pull toward a path that is familiar, but yet untraveled for our family. Lots of thinking and praying on that subject yet to come.

New Year's Resolution?

2010-12-27T13:18:00.002-05:00

Ha! Maybe this year will be the year that I will be devoted to the blog. Sometimes I think the reason I don't like to write here is that I don't like reliving my days, as some tend to be fairly hellish. All in all, though, my days are much better than they were last year, when Indie and Sassy still were here. Beautiful news for them... they have finally been adopted! God worked such an amazing miracle in their lives. I miss them much more than I thought possible. We do get to see them occasionally. We saw them last on Indie's birthday, and I hope to see them in early January. I"ll ask their mom if she'll allow me to post pictures, but I'll understand completely if she chooses to guard their privacy.

The new adoption is going snail-slow, but pre-placement visits are still in progress. You might have guessed by now, but we are adopting Randy, a 13-year-old boy that we've done respite for in the past. It'll be a long road with him, and he may still choose to back out. The foster home that he is in now is wonderful, and he has serious apprehensions about leaving it. I hope that he chooses permanency, truly.

Pixie, Sissy, and Georgia are well settled and fitting in so well here. Beautiful little Pixie is a complicated mess, and I just continue to hope that she is improving. Sometimes in the midst of all this, it's hard to see progress since I'm constantly fighting the war. Many remarked on Indie and Sassy's marked improvement, but I never really saw or recognized it for myself. Sissy is a special little girl, with several health problems. She was actually supposed to have surgery today, but it had to be post-poned due to our snowy weather. She is making fantastic progress, both physically and educationally. Georgia is making improvements. This situation is so much harder for her than for the others. I pray for peace for her, as this seems to rapidly be going the way of TPR. Could we have 4 adoptions in 2011?

Jonathan and Juli are still thriving. Just as Georgia and Juli are the best of friends, Jonathan and Sissy are big buddies, which is so funny that my two "eccentric" kids have bonded. I actually think that having Sissy around has caused Jonathan to not want a brother anymore, which might be too bad since he'll be getting one anyway. Juli is in heaven with all these girls to play with. Such easy, amazing children they are!

I never have any trouble seeing the improvement in Mia Tiffany. She is doing extremely well in her new school. She has good friends, and a great boyfriend, and she has plans for the future. She has yet to have that teenage attitude, and she remains a constant help, and she is forever a sounding board and a bright spot in my life. I am so blessed with these 3 children of mine.

I'm going to try my best to keep you updated!

Announcement

2010-10-20T01:38:00.001-04:00

At this time, I would like to direct you to the bottom of the screen, where I have a list of "past foster kids". I have some big news...

.... We will be adopting one of those children!!

Anybody care to wager which one?

2010-09-23T08:55:00.001-04:00

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Surprise

2010-07-21T16:52:00.010-04:00

Mia Tiffy, with her beloved pig balloon.

Today, I was minding my own business, and working on a clothing/laundry/simplification project when a familiar car showed up in my driveway. It was none other than --her-- "baby daddy". He came here to apologize to us because, when the whole situation was going on with --her--, he didn't believe what my husband had told him about her. I have no desire to tell the whole sordid mess, but suffice it to say that he's been played, and needed somebody to talk to who has been there, done that. He was shocked when he tried to get her to return his phone in a public place, she ran away from him, screaming, "Don't hurt me, stop hitting me". Not surprising, but detestable behavior, all the same.

This foster care world is tricky. I still love --her--, and probably always will. He does too, I'm sure, despite the belly-deep feeling of betrayal that he's feeling. For me, it's easier to move on, and unfortunately, his pain helps me to resolve my "what might have been"s. I just hope, and pray, that he can move on. We already have, but I still hope she can dig herself out of the mire, and one day realize that these constant machinations will alienate everybody that cares for her.

For now, life is really good here. JP has some time off from work while the girls get adjusted. The girls themselves are slowly carving out a place for themselves here. Pixie, 4, is loveable but angry. Already, we've cut the rages down to a couple of times weekly from a couple of times daily. Sissy, 5, is a complex creature who likes to stay in her shell, but has been making more frequent appearances. Georgia, 8, is conflicted, but sweet. She has a bit of an attitude problem, but we are chipping away at that as well.

Mia is enjoying her first normal summer of her life. She went to the beach with Uncle Harry and Aunt Bailey. She's had friends over, and she's just had a lot of fun. She cut her hair, inherited some monster goldfish, and is comfortable, settled, and happy.

Jonathan and Juli are much the same, with hearts so big that they have always accepted new kids with glee, and have shared their mom and dad. Jonathan really wants a brother, though, especially since Juli and Georgia are joined at the hip, nearly always together. Juli has suddenly taken on a deep southern twang, which is hilarious, especially considering she's missing her top two teeth, and has a bit of a natural lisp.

Wednesday is always one of my favorite nights of the week, because I don't have to cook!! We have potluck at church, and today is soup and sandwiches, yuuummy!

Blog Neglect

2010-07-18T16:41:00.006-04:00

I'm guilty! So often I want to blog about things that happen around here, but I just never seem to get around to it. Of course, I'm fairly certain that my "not getting around to it" is more a function of not wanting to face some of the things that have happened. It's so much easier to go about my day, getting immersed in my research or everyday chores of having children and a family, than to retrace the steps of the last 4 months or so. However, I started this blog as both an outlet for me, and also to possibly help any other foster/adoptive families on their journey, and I'm not being fair to either of those goals. So, rather than drawing this out through several entries, maybe I'll just lay it all out there for all of you to see.

The first part is actually a huge, great, happening... one that we had been expecting for some time. As we were moving into our new house, we actually got a letter stating that we now, officially, legally, have a new daughter! My Tinkerbell can be introduced to the bloggy world as herself! Please, let me introduce, my daughter, Mia Tiffany!
We are so proud that her adoption is final! I really would love to post some more pics of the past couple of years, so that you can see her interact with the rest of us. She is an amazing blessing to our family. She is dependable and stable, and really, she should be the poster child for adopting older children. One of our friends from church often remarks that everybody needs a Tiffany (her name prior to finalization), and I could most definitely agree. She is coming through the harder times remarkably well, and she has expressed an interest in fostering and adopting. I couldn't be happier, and Lord knows she will have more than enough experience by that time!

So, on to less happy subjects. Or, if not less happy, then certainly more difficult to talk about. Indie and Sassy were a very difficult placement for many reasons, not the least of which was their behavior. Legally speaking, though, it was a very odd case from beginning to end. JP and I prayed very hard for guidance about whether or not we should file for custody for these children. The answer we got was a resounding no, to my everlasting surprise. We would have had to fight another family for them, and we both believed, and still do, that this family was *their* family. This is God's plan for them. This was obviously not our plan, but I know, and was promised by scripture, that there is a reason that will be revealed. This is the guidance we received at a tough point regarding them:

Habakkuk 2:3 (New International Version)

³ For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay.

This verse was meant for us, but also for Indy and Sassy's future adoptive parents, which is what we pray will occur. In the meantime, after a lengthy transition period, Indy and Sassy have moved to the home of their future adoptive parents, and are doing absolutely fantastic. We remain a part of their lives, and are overjoyed to see them often. They are adjusting well to our new role in their lives, and I believe that this situation has actually created a lot of healing, particularly for Indie.

As for us, it's been difficult all the way around. There were many dark days since we found out about this transition in late February. I've doubted, and wavered, and ended up back where we started, believing the word we were given. I love these two babies with all that I am, and even the really hard situation was not enough to lessen my desire to keep them with us. Besides, logically, I always believe that the less moving around, the better for any children. However, God is sovereign, and we, as a family, will obey. Period.

They left about a month ago, and everyone is dealing well, even Mia, who is still deeply saddened by their departure. Me? Well, I've never been much of a crier in response to my personal emotions, so I've not been sleeping very well. I miss them, but I keep busy, and I have so much peace knowing that they are were they are supposed to be, and that they are thriving.

In the midst of all of this Indie/Sassy drama, we got a call about a new placement in April. We were told that she was 17 and pregnant, and very little else. We embraced her with open arms, and loved her immensely. Her time here was marked by unfortunate circumstances-- both the pregnancy and the resulting miscarriage, as well as some issues with DSS. She ran away once, came back, only to refuse to go out of town with us, forcing the agency to place her for respite. At this point, both DSS, the agency, and us were forced to admit that she had to be placed elsewhere permanently. According to her, who I just can't find the strength to name on this blog, she didn't want to be a part of a family, didn't want to be loved, and thought we were nice, but deserved other children. She deserved us too, she just couldn't see it. She is doing well in the other foster home, which is structured differently than ours. I still have a heavy heart where she is concerned, but I have had no other choice but to try to move on. She briefly made some false allegations against us as well, when she found out that she couldn't return. The sad part is that I actually miss her, too. She was a very loveable child, if not a very honest one, and her life's hurts have buried her in such a way that she is not able to accept love from other people. I still worry about what the future holds for her, and I hope that she is able to overcome the challenges that she undoubtedly faces.

The thing that just really pisses me off about this whole situation, is that I feel like I have *given up* on three kids who needed me. Logically, I know that this is not the case with Indy and Sassy, but I will always wonder if there was something I could've done differently with ... her. It just feeds my worst fear, that as foster parents, we are more often part of the problem than we are part of the solution. I am unable to shake this thought, and I am praying for guidance regarding our family's future. We are still called to help the orphan, and I know that we are still called to adopt. I am no longer sure we are called to be foster parents, and I would personally like to transition to adopting through the foster care system exclusively. God will lead me, when the time comes. That time has certainly not come yet, as I still have three foster children, with a possibility of two more coming.

You see, the one good thing about the situation with... her is that we got to know DSS from a specific county, and despite the outcome, they were very pleased with us. Through her social worker, we have now received two other placements. The first is the "maybe" placement that would not occur for a couple of more months, if at all. The second came to us about a month ago. The last weekend that Indy and Sassy were with us, three little girls were placed here. They are doing well, and I'll tell you more about them later. For now, I'll tell you that we have a four-year-old- Pixie, a five-year-old- Sissy, and an eight-year-old-Georgia.

So, you are now officially caught up!

Memorial Box Monday: A bed

2010-06-21T23:52:00.004-04:00

God really blessed our family in several different ways this past week, and I'm so excited to tell you guys about how amazing our God really is!

Thursday morning I was leisurely sleeping in, when my only little boy, Jonathan, came knocking on my bedroom door to tell me that someone was here. I wasn't expecting anybody, so it got me up and running pretty quickly. Who should be at our door but the director of our foster care agency! Apparently she had been trying to call us all morning, but had been unable to get anyone on the phone. She went to all of that trouble just to let us know about a potential placement. During our discussion, she asked if I had enough beds, and I was like, yeah, sure! Of course I do. I went upstairs to spread the news, and Tink was like.. "Um.... no, mom, you don't!" And then I counted the number of beds. Oops!

Of course, I sprinted to my computer, frantic to see if I could find one locally for sale. It also had to fit into a rather strict budget. I went to Craig's List, and a listing had been posted nine minutes earlier for a really lovely daybed with a mattress for a rock bottom, way better than I had dared to hope, price. I immediately e-mailed the seller. I let her know that the bed would be for our new foster placement, and prayed that God would push the seller to choose us!

A couple of hours later, I got a call from the seller. She chose us to purchase the bed because she, too, was a foster parent. Wow. We went to pick it up, and she said "God Bless You" on the way out. There's not a doubt in my mind that God provided a bed for one of our three new little ones. I'll put a little toy bed in our memorial box as a symbol of how God provided something amazing in record breaking time.

Ah... so much more to tell...

Memorial Box Monday: The House

2010-06-07T13:48:00.003-04:00

Yep, I've been gone. Tons happened. I'll try to tell it all, but today I want to focus on our biggest surprise blessing from the last several months.

My honey and I were in the kitchen talking one day in late January or early February. We were about to legally outgrow our house. Let me explain. Our rental house was great for us. It had 3 decent size bedrooms, a very large living area, a place for the kids to play, good yard space, and all of that in a safe neighborhood. It was a perfect, God-sized blessing for those two years. As you readers may know, we moved in the house with only two kids, and now we have 5. Jonathan, being the only boy, had a very small bedroom to himself. Tink, Indie, and Juli shared a room, and JP, Sassy, and myself shared another. Sassy could share the room with us until she turned 2, and then she needed to be in her own bedroom, but the "girls" room was already maxed out. We had two options. 1) We could rent a bigger house, or 2)We could convert the living space into the girls room/playroom. We were both a little frustrated with our options. We have been praying for years for a home to call our own, and we just didn't want to go through the process of renting again, and we weren't financially prepared to buy.

After despairing a bit about our prospects, we agreed that God could do anything, and we would begin to find another home for us, knowing that we probably would have to give up a safe neighborhood to account for size. I had been looking at a rental home online for several years. Yes, years. It had a lot of balconies, so I was a little concerned, but the listing said that the home had 3-5 bedrooms, so I was willing to take a look.

We went to view the home on a very, very snowy day in February. We found that it had been empty for around 2-4 years. I was shocked, people, because this house was .... big. 5 bedrooms in actuality. Two of them big enough to hold "legally" 3-4 kids. There's a huge multi-purpose room upstairs, a big kitchen and dining room, and the kicker --- a ginormous yard big enough for football games. It wasn't perfect. It needed lots of updates, most of which were cosmetic. The layout is a little odd in spots, and the living room is pretty small (which was a big concern for us because we minister to college and high school kids, and we need room to congregate). However, we both saw room to grow, and to add to our family. We were aware that there was a small chance of a rent-to-own option, so we talked to the realtor about it.

After weeks of paperwork and such, we finally sat down to have a conference call with the elderly gentleman who owned the home. We were praying, and praying, and praying that we might have a chance someday, by way of rent-to-own, of owning this home and filling it with the pitter patter of little (and not so little) feet.

Aren't you glad that God is so much bigger than us? That in his infinite wisdom, when his plans come to fruition, that we can only stand at gape at how much he really, really loves us?

That conference call took a very unexpected turn. The owner of the home did not want to enter into a rent-to-own contract, and he was not at all happy with the appraisal value of the home. My heart was just pounding in my chest, and I saw our dream of a huge family get flushed. We were having a lot of trouble understanding the gentleman on the phone, and finally the realtor told him we would discuss the situation and call him back.

We discussed and lost hope. The phone rang, and it was the owner of the home, calling back to make a slight clarification. He didn't mean he didn't want us to buy the home. He just wanted TO FINANCE IT FOR US! Yes, no lending company, no two years of waiting to see if we could qualify to buy the home. Just straight owner financing.

I'm still in shock that God, in his great mercy, did what we thought was absolutely impossible-- he gave us a home so that we can raise our family, bring orphans home, foster children, and open that home up to youth and college students. The scale of this blessing is just out of this world. It's supernatural. It is, and only can be, GOD!

We received a little notecard from the former owner of the home the other day, and that will go into my memorial box to symbolize how God gave us such a huge answer to a prayer.

A long time coming...

2010-02-04T13:44:00.004-05:00

This one has been brewing in my head for quite some time. On this thankful thursday, I want to thank you, in advance, who are willing to pray with me.

I often wonder...

Imagine, one day you are sitting in your living room, cuddled up to your hubby, watching a little TV. It's really cold outside, but your heater's working fine, and you're enjoying some hot cocoa and cookies to offset the weather. It's one of those heavenly moments where all is right with the world.

Then your doorbell rings. Well, that's odd, who can that be at this hour? And in this weather? You go to the door and open it, and find... a child! Maybe 3 years old -- crying nearly frozen tears, lips blue with cold. She's dressed in rags, and she's dirty, and her stomach is sunken in. It's obviously been a little while since she's had a good meal. In that moment, what would you do?

Oh, I know! You'd pat the child on the head and explain that you simply couldn't help her out. Your budget is stretched, and there's no room in the house, and you just couldn't take on any more responsibility right now. Maybe you'd give her a little baggy of cookies and send her on her way. You'd smile at her retreating back -- isn't she cute while she's eating those cookies? And you'd close the door, return to cuddling with your hubby, and hope you didn't miss any of the show after the commercial break.

Would you really do that?

OF COURSE NOT! You'd have that kid in out of the cold in fifteen seconds flat, and be calling social services as soon as you could put your hands on a phone. You'd fix that child a meal, and you would give her blankets and warm clothes. Of course you would!

So what's the difference? Why aren't we the same way with children that we good and well KNOW are living like this, but aren't standing on our doorstep. Should geography really dampen our compassion for this child? Do you think that God cares whether that kid is standing on your doorstep or standing in an orphanage in Uganda? Of course he doesn't!

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

It's simple. Frighteningly simple.

Matthew 25: 31-46

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

See? CRYSTAL CLEAR.

But, maybe you are saying, "I can't be a good parent!" That's okay. There are other ways to help the orphan! Sponsor a child through Amazima or give to Project Hopeful. Or just sponsor a couple you know who are in the middle of adopting a child.

Maybe you are saying, " I don't have the money to sponsor a child or adopt a child!" That's okay. There are still things you can do. You could be a foster parent, for instance.

AND, most importantly... YOU CAN PRAY!!!!!

Right now, the battle for the orphan is brutal. I believe, according to a word given to one of my bloggy friends, Linny, that God is sick of our apathy towards these little ones, and toward Him. We have to pray for God to stop this attack. You see, right now even our government is halting issuing Visas to children who have already been approved for guardianship through Uganda. The enemy is steadfast in stopping these children from going home.

So, do something!! You can. Do the most important thing. PRAY!!

Thankful Thursday

2010-01-28T23:23:00.002-05:00

Today is one of those days when it's hard to be thankful. My grandfather passed away a couple of days ago, and his funeral was today, but I'm so thankful that he had a long and healthy life! He was almost 84 years old, and was on the roof cleaning out the gutters just a few weeks ago. I'm thankful that my grandmother is still with us, and that we have more time yet to spend with her.

Family is such a precious gift! Love on yours, today.

Loving the Difficult Child

2010-01-13T22:09:00.002-05:00

I feel like, at 30 years old, I have a pretty healthy image of myself -- both the flaws and the good parts. At least, I used to. I've always loved children, and I've always been good with them. I'm stern, but consistent, without being mean, and I shower children with love and affection. I thought those were set-in-stone truths about me.

Then God showed me something that came as a very unpleasant surprise.

As you all probably know, I was chomping at the bit to get some little ones in my home. I missed little gummy smiles and even diapers. I got what I wished for, but I'm finding it's not at all like I imagined. About 8 months ago, two little girls arrived in our home. The little one was a joy, particularly for the first couple of months. Now she's going through the terrible twos, which is not so fun, but is totally expected. Indie, the 2, now 3, year-old, though, has been a challenge of epic proportions. She hasn't set anything on fire or killed anyone (yet), but it's the little things. Constant lying, constant disobedience, jaw-dropping defiance, sneaky behaviors, stealing, inciting arguments and fights.... I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Last night, she woke up Tink at 4:30 in the morning by throwing things at her. Which is not the first or even fifth time this week she has thrown something at Tink.

To make this long story short, I'm totally defeated. I lose patience constantly with her, which makes me more short and on edge with Sassy, and even Jonathan and Juli to some degree. I feel like I'm constantly at "simmer" just waiting to boil over. Right now, I'm not good with these kids. I've tried every disciplinary tactic at my disposal, but nothing works. I keep wondering how Jesus would handle a kid like Indie, and I keep coming up with LOVE, and forgiveness. So here's the big money question. How do I show love to this child?

Tink and I were discussing love and marraige recently, and I was emphasizing to her how love is an action, not a feeling. Loving someone is treating them with respect and kindness, and putting their needs over your own, not some butterflies-in-tummy emotion that is so very temporary. And then I thought about Indie. Is my love for her coming out in my actions?

Busted.

But the problem still remains. How do I love her, yet guide her in the way she should go? How can I love her, yet protect the other little ones in my home (like, protecting Tink from projectile objects?). So, God has shown me that I have some work to do... any ideas on how I might do it?

The return of Thankful Thursday!

2009-12-10T12:40:00.002-05:00

December the 10th is now such a special day for our family! One year ago today, "Tinkerbell" pranced her way into our lives, and we are so incredibly thankful! I know that many of my Thankful Thursday posts have focused on her, but on this day, in God's infinite wisdom... guess what we just got in the mail? Our adoption petition! We hope to go get this signed today, and that should be it!! We have to await finalization, but that is petty much guaranteed.

I am so thankful that God had a plan for our family, and it was very different than mine.

Gobble, Gobble!!

2009-11-27T22:11:00.002-05:00

Despite sickness, we've had a great week here at the Paul household. I cooked my first Thanksgiving feast (with some help from Bailey, Mom, and Tink, of course), and it went beautifully. We did some Black Friday shopping, and we've been resting and enjoying each other.

I am so thankful for my Jesus! I am thankful for a home to live in, and 5 beautiful little souls that fill it. I'm thankful for a husband who is steady and strong who loves God in a real way. We have been blessed beyond imagining this year.

Sometimes I feel like we are stuck in the "in-between", just waiting for the rest of our lives to start, but I realized today that we are exactly where God wants us for right now. I praise you my Father, for right now.

Tonight is the night!!!

2009-11-19T08:44:00.003-05:00

I am having a girls' night out tonight... and not just any girls' night out. Tonight is the premiere of New Moon! I've been a huge twilight fan for a couple of years now, and so this is a big event. Tink, Bailey, and I, along with my BFF Amber who runs EyesOfAmber (only the bestest twilight blog in the whole wide world!) and several others, are having a very Twilight-y evening, complete with a party, a showing of Twilight, and finally.... New Moon!

I hate to do it... I so hate to do it... but.... SQUEEEEEE!!!!!

Memorial Box Monday

2009-11-16T18:38:00.002-05:00

Woohoo! It's that time again... Memorial Box Monday (okay, so now it's Tuesday since I started the post yesterday and didn't get a chance to finish)! Today's episode took place just a couple of months ago.

JP and I had taken a much needed weekend to celebrate my birthday and our 10th anniversary. If you read this blog often, you'll know what a struggle it has been to parent Sassy. I was totally burned out, and absolutely confused, and we were talking about my state of mind while driving to our favorite restaurant in Knoxville. We were on an Interstate that had about 10 lanes total, which is a little intimidating to a smallish town girl like me. Trusty JP was at the wheel, so I wasn't overly concerned.

Every day with Indie was a struggle. If she wasn't engaging in some very troubling behaviors herself, she was inciting the other children in some way. Her particular target was Jonathan. Now, Jonathan has Asperger's syndrome, and is very easily upset to the point of meltdown. She loved to tell him that he couldn't do something (like, eat or play wii, for example), so she could watch the meltdown and just smile. So, you can imagine that it was mass chaos here. Despite the fact that we were having these issues with Indie, my love for her continued to grow and take root, and I just wanted to know what was going to happen with them. Would they stay or would they go? Would Indie get better... could she get better after everything she suffered? Why did they have to suffer in the first place? Am I qualified to handle this? Have I really been called to handle this? All of those questions and more were swirling in my mind, and I was voicing some of them.... and then I said to JP, "I'm starting to wonder if He really cares at all!"

It seems like mere seconds passed before the car in the lane beside us started to move into our lane... and there was someone in the lane beside us. JP laid on the horn, moved over a little, sped up alot, and managed to avoid disaster by literal centimeters. CENTIMETERS! Folks, JP is a pretty decent driver, but he's no NASCAR guy, and there is absolutely no way that he could have pulled off those maneuvers on his own.

God was there... listening, and took that opportunity to show me that He was there, will be there, and had been there all along... and that He cared so much. Nothing in our lives are accidents; He didn't start working on another project and leave us to fend for ourselves. And I got a peace that the state of my home was still in his divine will for us, and that He was listening.

I'll put a little NASCAR car in my memorial box to commemorate JP's great driving escape, orchestrated by my heavenly father.

A New Name...

2009-11-13T22:23:00.002-05:00

Some of you may have noted that I have *finally* changed the name of my blog. I'd been meaning to do it for forever... you know, like a year or more... and just hadn't come up with anything unique. I felt like I needed something to display that we weren't really the average, ordinary family... and I'm certainly not the stereotypical mom. June Cleaver I am not!! I'm more comfortable at a christian rock concert than at a PTA meeting (I do go, but I don't have to like it, ok?). I'm quirky at best, and downright strange at worst. So, I needed a quirky, strange-ish, yet meaningful name for my little corner of cyberspace.

I love adoption. I love my God, and I love my family. That's what this blog is mostly about. For some reason I started to think about the "I AM" statements in the book of John (I am the way, the truth, and the life, etc.), and while looking at my lovely background, the statement "I am the true vine" came to mind. I started thinking about how God takes us -- these brown, withered up, dying vines, and he grafts us in to the living vine of Christ... which is kind of a metaphor for adoption. We join his vine; we join his family. And so, I want to be a little model of this grafted vine. I want to take these little struggling plants, and graft them into our family, just as we have been grafted into His. And so, you are now at "The Grafted Vine"... the Paul family blog. It's quirky! It's probably even strange... but it means something, at least to us.

My Very First Memorial Box Monday!!!

2009-11-09T14:57:00.007-05:00

I am so excited to finally start a Memorial Box! I haven't actually acquired the box yet, but I'm going to start gathering the items that will eventually go in the box.

So, today, on my very first Memorial Box Monday, I'm flooded with ideas for stories and items, and I'm really having trouble picking one! But, this month marks the first anniversary of our little "laundry room barbeque". The circumstances of that event have obviously been on my mind.

In Mid-November 2008, we *finally* got the call that we had been waiting for more than a year. We got a permanent placement! We were cautiously excited, and we knew that she would be coming in early December. The night before Thanksgiving, we had a couple of students at the house watching movies. I went into the laundry room, and I smelled that electrical burning smell that is s0 very distinctive. This had happened before, and last time it had been a problem with the water heater. We immediately called the owner of the house so that someone would fix the issue. I had JP scour the laundry room to make sure nothing else could be causing the smell, and we were satisfied when we went to bed that all was well.

It just so happened that we were leaving to go out of town the next day, and it just so happened that my mother had offered for us to stay in her home that night since we anticipated that we would run out of hot water. We declined her offer... thank you, Jesus! Now, my JP has sleep apnea, so he has to wear this very complicated and loud mask at night so he won't stop breathing in his sleep. For some reason, he forgot to put on his mask before he fell asleep.

Early the next morning, the smell of smoke woke him. I know, that's not supposed to happen - you aren't supposed to smell smoke in your sleep... but I absolutely believe that God made that possible. He jumped out of bed, and ran down stairs, yelling for me to wake the kids up on the way down. After just a few seconds, he yelled for me to get them out RIGHT NOW!!! For some reason, my little boy, Jonathan, had ended up in bed in his underwear... maybe he got too warm in bed? I don't know. But I yanked a shirt over his head and dragged them down the stairs and out the door and into the car (it was COLD!). Please note that neither of our smoke alarms had gone off yet, and by this time the laundry room was fully ablaze. I ran back inside (since there was very little smoke), and called 911. I went back to the porch and witnessed my studly honey running through the house (in a T-shirt and boxers, I might add), carrying a small bowl of water, which was sloshing out everywhere as he was running. Later on I would think this image was really hilarious, but at the time, I just yelled ," GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!". And it was totally a God-thing that we even had those fire extinguishers to begin with-- we were required to have them for foster care. Not only that, but we were required to carry renter's insurance by state law.

In the end, JP managed to put the fire out before the fire department even got there. We sustained minimal fire damage, but alot of smoke damage. The worst part is that we were displaced for several weeks while the damage was repaired. We were so scared that we wouldn't be able to accept our placement. But, our agency was amazing, and they arranged for respite while we were waiting to move back in. In the meantime, we were spending the rest of our meager resources on the necessities... clothes, school supplies, etc. We talked to Tinkerbell on the phone for a week or so before she came, and we found out that she was coming only with the clothes she had. We would need to provide all toiletries and school supplies when she arrived. We honestly had no idea how we were going to pay for this. Our bank account was absolutely exhausted.

Out of the blue one sunday, one of the church employees pulled my husband aside and gave him a gift card to Walmart that covered all of Tinkerbell's expenses. We were so thankful.

So, for my first Memorial Box entry, I'll put in an empty WalMart Gift Card to remind us that the Lord may give, and the Lord may take away, but he ALWAYS provides-- Jehovah Jireh.

30 Days and a Year

2009-11-03T12:28:00.003-05:00

Thirty days ago we had a marathon court session in the county that all three of our girls are from. It was a total coincidence that the case for Sassy and Indie and the case for Tinkerbell were set on the same day.

It was quite a day people! For one, Tinkerbell's biological mom was allowed to visit her for a few days around the court date, and we actually transported her to court and generally entertained her for a couple of days. I have been so surprised to find that I like Tinkerbell's mom. Despite whatever her failings have been as a mother to Tink, I feel like she has her best interest at heart. The day of the court hearing, we also had the... um.... opportunity to meet her biological father. Unfortunately, my feeling for him is much less pleasant, and I feel that he's interests are primarily self serving. So, put all of these people in the courtroom and put them last on the docket.

THEN, add the fact that the little girls' case was in the first session, and the first thing that we heard that morning was that the case was not going to go as planned. They would probably go home that day!! Whoa. That's really all I can say. Rather that having the emotional reaction that I wanted to have, I focused on the practical problems that we faced. I mean, I needed to get the girls' laundry washed for the week, and we hadn't packed anything, and their toys were all mixed in with Jonathan and Juli's toys. My fantastic brother-and sister-in-law were watching the kids while we were over an hour a way from home, and there is no way that they could get all of that together. And there was a slight possibility that they would be gone before we ever got back to our hometown, since Tink's case was so late in the day. Would we even get to say goodbye? Of course, then I thought about Tink-- on the most stressful day in the world for her, I was going to have to make it worse by breaking this news to her before the judge heard the case so she would be prepared for the outcome.

It was such a mess, people. Tink's parents were arguing with each other, which had her crying anyway, then I had to talk to her about the little girls, and only made it much worse. We tried calling home so that Bailey could try to start making some preparations, and we couldn't get them on the phone. All this while court was in session. We were sitting on the back row, and my JP got my hands and pulled me to his side, and we prayed together on the back bench, praying only that this day would be resolved according to his Master plan.

Oh, and did I mention that the girl's mom was there, and we got to see and hear from her for the first time?

So, case number 1 was called. I expected to have to give some long disposition about the struggles the girls were having, and about the progress they have made. I only choked out one sentence in support of something that the girls' grandmother said. And it was over within a couple of minutes -- we'd review it again in six months.

I felt such massive relief! I praised my God in my head. They probably will go back home in April, but... we were given the gift of TIME. More time for the girls to heal, more time for the girls to bond with me so that they can transfer that bond to their aunt, time for them to get to know their family, and time for us to say goodbye. An amazingly precious, although somewhat bittersweet, gift from my Daddy in Heaven.

And we ran into the aunt and grandmother downstairs at the vending machine and had a really fantastic, long, talk about the girls and about God's will for their little lives. I feel very much that God wants them there, and that has given me a large measure of peace for them, and for the future of our family.

So, after lunch and recess, paperwork, squabbling and so forth, case 2 was called. We were all called into the judges' chambers to hear Tinkerbell's TPR case. Her parents had already agreed, whether for totally unselfish or selfish reasons, to voluntarily terminate their rights. It was the strangest court case I could have imagined, since my daughter was charming the judge with her mis-matched socks, and she had the whole room of suits laughing. JP turned to me and said, "She just lights up a room, doesn't she?" Yes, she really does. Soon I"ll get to show you.

There was a 30 day hold on the paperwork before we could actually file the adoption petition, and today marks the 30th day. We were assigned a lawyer, and finalization should be in late January or Early February. We have yet to actually file that petition, but it should be soon. We are so, incredibly excited by the prospect of finally adopting this "unadoptable" child. A work that only God can accomplish. This month marks one year since we were first called about her placement. It feels like she's been with us forever.

OK, so I had a little party

2009-10-24T13:10:00.002-04:00

Ok, ok... sorry folks. I had a pity party. I was feeling sorry for myself because I will loose these kids soon. The truth of the matter is that I've met the relatives that the girls will be going home to, and they are perfectly lovely people. Their aunt truly, truly loves these girls. And I know that if God would have asked me back in May , "Hey Sabrina. I'm going to send you these two little babies that are living in absolute misery right now. Ummm... there's a couple of problems. For one, the oldest one will drive you to the mental breaking point. The other, is that they will end up breaking your heart. You'll have them for a long while... six months or more. But you are just supposed to help them until their family is ready to have them back. Will you do this for me?"

I would do it for them alone, but I'd do it a thousand times over for Him!

Right now I'm watching my three little foster babies all cuddled together, watching Barney, happy as little clams. My job is to love them like crazy until they go home, and to show them some Jesus along the way. I know they are in His hands, and their situation is in His control, and THAT is the best possible place for them to be! He loves them infinitely more than I do or ever could. And how I thank God for the one who is nearly mine! His plan is so perfect that he knew she was coming even though I never would have seen it this way.

We have more kids out there somewhere too. I pray that God will lead us to find them, all in His time.

Same Question , Different Day

2009-10-23T23:19:00.002-04:00

I'm really learning to loathe this mess we call a foster care system.

We are failing these babies. I'm beginning to wonder if it's irreparably broken. Our priorities are completely wrong for these children. When do we stop worrying about the parents' rights, and start worrying about a child's right to a real family? How much time should we give a parent to straighten out before we do the right thing? They say that 80% of all foster children return home. Home can be to a relative or the actual parent. A huge percentage of them end up right back in the system... even more broken than they were.

I have three precious little ones from the system right now (so one is 16, I don't care, she's still my baby). Tinkerbell has found her forever family in us, and we are so excited. I have to give some credit to her biological parents in this situation though. They voluntarily terminated their rights because they knew it was the right thing to do. I wonder if we would have even been able to adopt her otherwise?

The two little ones are almost certainly going home to a relative sometime in the next several months. I'm so afraid that this will just shatter them completely. They've both come so far. I fully expect them to be back in custody in no time. How broken will Indie be then? And so it is so difficult and frustrating to look into her little eyes... now filled with actual *trust*... and I know I'll have to break it. I know there will be a day in the not-so-distant future, when I'll have to try to explain to her that I'm not "mommy" anymore. She is so happy right now, and instead of rejoicing in her progress, I am heartbroken for the coming loss. I've spent some time wondering.... "God where ARE you?".

He's here. I know He is.

The Unexpected

2009-08-18T13:32:00.002-04:00

Hey there bloggy land! We just returned from the hospital where Tinkerbell just had emergency gall bladder surgery. I have a ton of things to do today, but I wanted to let you know what's been going on here. She is resting comfortably, finally, and I ask that you all will pray for her healing.

In other news, the adoption is going well!

I'll keep you updated...

Thankful Thursday

2009-07-23T10:16:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't finished the JP story yet, but today I feel compelled to thank my amazing Father God. As many blessings that He has poured over us this last couple of months, it's also been bery trying. Dealing with Indie has been a gigantic challenge. For one, she's two. Two year old's are difficult under the best circumstances, and hers is hardly that. I pray for patience and strength all the time. He is so faithful though, and she is improving nearly every single day.

After they'd been here a couple of weeks, I was still trying to maintain a piece of that "they're leaving in a couple of weeks" distance. JP and I had just gone to bed, and we were chatting a bit, as we are known to do. I told him, " I just don't think they are ours, honey." And all of the sudden, I was off and running. Indie was crying. I'd get her settled and she'd cry again. And then Sassy would start. This whole scenario ran for about an hour and half. During this whole deal of soothing and settling, mostly for Indie, I felt that tug. I can't explain it, but I knew that He was trying to tell me something. Finally, I settled Indie down in bed with me, because she just couldn't sleep. I finally managed to give up that piece I'd been holding back. I think He was telling me that I was wrong. They are ours.

So, today, I am thankful for my God who is fulfilling his promises, even as we speak.

Blessings Abound

2009-07-22T22:30:00.002-04:00

Hey there bloggy land!! I've missed you all. I have just been soooo busy for my two newest babies... you know, the ones that we were only supposed to have for 6-8 weeks? Well, we just passed the two month mark, and it looks like a miracle of God sized proportions has occurred!!

We may just get to keep them!!

The girls were supposed to go to a relative placement, but that's probably not going to happen. We aren't sure what will happen from here, but His works are amazing, and I can't wait to sit back and watch.

Just several weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about how funny it was that we started this whole foster care thing for a chance to adopt, and we end up with three unadoptable kids. Ha. Ha ha. My God loves long odds. Within a couple of weeks, we go from three unadoptable kids to one kid in the process of being adopted!!! Our beautiful, wonderful Tinkerbell. I am so excited to share her with you guys. The very same worker that I was complaining about a couple of months ago is trying his hardest to get this adoption to go through. So far, it is going very well. I desperately hope I have concrete news to share soon.

So, the two new little ones have court on August 4th. This should be a non-issue. After that, it looks like they are going to try for TPR. Oh could it be that all three of my unadoptable babies will be all mine?

I humbly ask that you pray for all three of these girls, particularly "Indie". These babies have been through Hell, and are still trying to work their way out. Both are making tremendous strides. Sassy is a happy, joyful, normal baby these days. She's gained several pounds and is learning to talk. Indie is doing so much better, but there's still a long road ahead.

Thanks again, and I love you all!

-Beenie!

Check out this Thankful Thursday!

2009-06-25T23:32:00.001-04:00

Guess what, guess what, bloggy land!!

Never mind, you can't guess, I'll just tell you!!!

We very well may get to adopt our Tinkerbell!!! I'm so excited, and I'll update you guys as soon as we can.

Thankful Thursday

2009-06-11T11:20:00.002-04:00

Well, I haven't posted as much as I hope, but here I am, at last! We are doing relatively well here. The new girls are coming along. Sassy is doing really fantastic. Temper tantrums are down to a minimum. Indie... well, we're working together to get her on track.

Tinkerbell is doing fantastic!! She accepted Jesus this past Sunday, and she got baptized. God is so faithful in answering our prayers!! We have prayed over this child for 7 months, thinking it might be years before this prayer was answered. Thank you, Jesus, for sending us a beautiful surprise. I wish more than anything that I could post pics of my girl getting the holy dunk, but I can't. Maybe on her 18th birthday I'll have a special Tinkerbell post where we'll post all the pics you've missed!

But, on to the mission at hand... Thankful Thursday!

Today, I'm thankful for none other than my partner in crime, John "JP" Paul, lover of Christ, handyman extraordinaire, incredible father, faithful friend, and amazing husband. But, let me tell ya, it did not start out that way. So, for today's thankful Thursday, I present the story of me and JP.

My sophomore year in college was a rough year. I almost died of appendicitis (no joke... really. I had gangrene and everything), and I had finally broken up with the guy I thought I would marry. It was Christmas break, and I was visiting a college friend because I was very lonely at home. I had asked if I could use her AOL to check on a friend (Eyes of Amber!!) who I was supposed to be visiting over the break. I went online to see if she was there, but she wasn't, so I decided to camp out and wait for a bit. Back in the day, AOL had a little button that just plunked you down into a random chat button, and I hit it. Totally God... HAD to be!!

Because immediately, I started chatting with "Beowulf129". This was way before the movie, so the name was really unusual, and as an English major, I was intrigued. We talked... and talked.... and talked. I still didn't really think anything of it... I mean, online chat room? Who really meets someone this way? Besides, he lived several hundred miles away. I can't really say what happened, but the conversation took a turn.... and it turned into a long-distance relationship. We had a ton in common, and we were looking for the same things in someone. We knew very quickly that we wanted to get married. We were "it" for each other. Of course, we thought that it would be years down the line. Ha.

.... to be continued....

One Big Thankful Thursday!!

2009-05-28T17:32:00.002-04:00

There's just so much to be thankful for!! I'm now, officially, a stay-at-home mom. Hooray! I'm still not used to the idea. It's amazing how weird it feels, after that's all I've wanted for forever. So, first of all, I'm thankful for early retirement :)

Most of all... I'm so incredibly thankful and blessed to have my Tinkerbell. She is my friend, my fellow housekeeper/babysitter, incredible big sister, and amazing daughter. How blessed are we to have her? My cup overflows. She's watching all four kids right now (and did I mention she's incredibly brave?).

For Jonathan and Juli... for having open hearts for new brothers and sisters.

And, finally, for our two new little ones. They've been with us a week today, and it's been pretty wild. Suffice it to say that they've had it rough for quite a while, but we are making progress. The oldest is 2 1/2. She is completely Miss Independent, so for here we'll call her Indie. She has really bonded with all the ladies of the family. Still working on JP and poor little outnumbered Jonathan. The little one is a very complex little creature. Sassy she is, so Sassy we'll call her. She can be vulnerable, sweet and funny, or just downright mad. I fear her fiery orange hair may indicate an infamous Irish temper. Yikes!

And so, God has fulfilled his promise, and ultimate thanks be to him!

Summer guests

2009-05-19T22:55:00.002-04:00

Hello Bloggy Land!!

Well, it looks like we will temporarily be a family of 7, at least for the summer. Last week, we were called about a placement of two little girls, ages 1 and 2. We knew absolutely nothing about these little ones, except that they might need a home. So, today we found out that we will be providing that home, but only for 6 to 8 weeks. We will enjoy this while it lasts!

Thank you for your prayers, and I'll update soon!

God, you are hilarious!

2009-05-15T21:21:00.002-04:00

So, if you've been reading my blog, you know how hard I've struggled with the idea of taking another foster care placement. I've spent several weeks trying to find direction. This morning, I decided to read through my blog entries. I thought it would be enlightening to experience this journey we've been on all over again. And it was! I remembered that we've been called to do this, and that this is a ministry for us. I began to get excited at the prospect again...

... just in time for me to get an Email. We were offered another placement!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!! More to come soon!

Thankful Thursday!!

2009-05-14T16:22:00.003-04:00

I lot of my "bloggy friends" do Thankful Thursday, so count me in! Hey, at least there is a good chance that I'll blog once a week. See? I'm thankful for Thankful Thursday because that means I remember to blog once a week. WOOOOHOOO!!

I'm thankful for a kind, loving, constant Father who cares about my smallest problem. I am so thankful that he loves me and sent his son to die for me. I am so incredibly glad that He has watched over me all the years that I didn't even care about Him. And speaking of which, I'm incredibly glad for his grace and mercy.

And, today, I am thankful for my two beautiful biological children that God has given me, and the beautiful foster daughter that He sent me.

Foster Care, International Adoption, Lurkers... and most importantly GOD!!

2009-05-08T11:23:00.002-04:00

This year has been such a roller coaster for us. It's been about a year since we got the call to foster 3 children. It was totally out of the blue; we hadn't even finished our paperwork! We went from expecting small children to wanting a teenager. We finally, finally got a permanent placement, only to have our little "laundry room barbeque" and be displaced for several weeks. Luckily, we still got our girl. And now, here I am, almost a year later, and I'm sure of one thing. God's been in it all.

Here's the thing, though... I think God's been at it a while. I remember knowing a girl who was adopted from Korea growing up, and I thought that it was the *coolest* thing ever! She was so beautiful, and I saw how wonderful it was for her. Of course, it never occurred to me that I could adopt a child from another country. I watched my aunt as she went through a few foster children. I thought, "Now THIS ... I can do." My parents had two foster placements. One left after 24 hours, and the other was removed from our home because he had become too violent. So, I thought... "eeeh.... I don't know about this after all." And then I filed it all away.

Fast forward a few years. I went to a conservative Christian college with a very high international population. We were required to attend 25 chapel services per semester. I was running behind (ha... imagine that) for the semester, so I attended the International Fair for chapel credit. I think that God put me there for a reason, guys. This guy handed me a flyer as I was walking by the booth. It was about the plight of little girls in China, and about an adoption program that paired waiting families with waiting little girls. I was heartbroken, and I felt in my heart that I would adopt one day. I always assumed that it would be from China, but I couldn't have known what God would have in store for me.

The next year, I had a final break with the man I thought I was going to marry. One of our biggest disagreements was that he didn't want children at all. He thought we could "work something out"... maybe have one or even stretch it to two. BUT... I had a secret. I never told anyone. I wanted a big family. I mean, a *big* family. My dad was one of nine, and I secretly wanted to be a part of a family like that. I was an only child, so I wasn't going to have 8 siblings... but I could be the mom of many... right? But, my family put so much pressure on me to succeed in life-- get a good job and do them proud, you know? I just couldn't tell them them the wish that lurked somewhere deep in there, because they would never understand. There even came a point where I refused to hold new babies, and stopped interacting with children at all. I was so desperately afraid that I would never have a baby of my own to hold.

Then God led me to JP. That's another story all in itself, but I convinced him that we wanted kids really early on. I just knew we weren't going to be able to have any children. God surprised me with Jonathan. It took us a year to conceive him, and I see the hand of God in the timing, since I graduated college just a couple of weeks before giving birth. Less than a year later, I got pregnant with Juli. We expected it to take a year or more, but this time I think I got pregnant right away. This one, however, was not a smooth pregancy. Three months in, I had to have an ovary and a tube removed. We were just so glad that she survived it all! The doctor's assured me that I would not have trouble having another baby whenever I wished to. Ha.

It took a couple of years before the longing for another child started to grow within me. It was more difficult, though, because JP and I were having some pretty consistent marital problems. My "feeling" I had as a young adult that I would be infertile came to pass. Not a feeling at all, I think, but a warning. God blessed us so much with these two biological children, but I wanted more! I had so many people tell me that I should feel lucky to have these two, particularly because they were the "perfect set"-- boy and girl. I just couldn't help wanting another.

It was around this time that I began to believe and trust in God in a *real* way. God healed my marraige. Looking back a couple of years, I don't even recognize the people that we were. My husband is one of my greatest gifts, and I'm so grateful for God's work in our life! Still, the desire for children remained. One day I happened to tune in to Adoption Stories on Discovery Health. I really began to love that show! And one day, I saw a story about a young couple who adopted a little boy from India. He looked just like Jonathan... and I saw all of those babies in their cramped little cribs in the tiny little room they called an orphanage... and my heart just broke. I remembered the flier that someone had given me so many years before, and God placed in my heart a deep love for orphans.

At first I thought we'd eventually adopt internationally -- like, WAY in the future. But then I found that I had to do something now. Our journey through the foster care system is detailed in various posts over the last year, and now I am the mother of three -- at least, temporarily.

I still have the desire for MORE!! I feel like God has placed this desire in my heart, I just don't know how he plans to meet this need of mine. I have been introduced lately to a promise:

Psalms 113:9
HE settles the barren woman in her home as the happy mother of children.

I know he will fulfill his promises. Now, we're just wondering.. How?

For the people who say, "Why don't you adopt from America?"

2009-05-06T23:12:00.002-04:00

People don't want to adopt from kids in the foster system because it is WAY TOO HARD!! I've had some really frustrating days with the system in the last year, but this week it's been ... overload. Take for example, Tinkerbell's social worker put her through the wringer yesterday, only to end up exactly where we started. He is rude and mean to her, and he's extremely vague with us. He drives me nuts!!!

Then, we ran into some people that were in PATH class with us. They had a placement for 20 months. They were certain that these kids' parents were going to have their rights terminated. And at the last second, Dad gets custody and they had about 2 hours to have the kids ready to go. Infuriating.

The reason that any sane person doesn't want to adopt from the foster care system is because at any second you could loose a child to someone who you *know* will abuse them. You will never get any thanks from the workers. You will be made to enforce rules that you don't believe in. You will watch workers treat the kids like crap, and then you will be yelled at for the slightest technical infraction.

But, it's probably still worth it. After all, the kids shouldn't pay for the faults of the system, and yet that's what happens every single day. I know that we wouldn't trade Tinkerbell for anything.

So, do we pray for another placement? Do we *want* another placement?

Recent Pics

2009-04-29T22:34:00.003-04:00

No Excuses

2009-04-26T16:24:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm not going to spend much time on why it's been so long. I'm just going to get you guys updated, and post a few pics.

Wow, where to start? Jonathan has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. This did not come as a huge surprise, really. We are working on a couple of different treatment options. More on that as it comes in. The main decision that we've made regarding him is that we are going to homeschool him next year!! I've always wanted the opportunity to do this, and Jonathan and I are both really excited. As far as Juli's concerned, she'll stay in school most likely for the next year. At that time we'll make a decision about 1st grade.

So, at the end of the school year, I'll finally get to do what I've wanted for so long -- be a stay-at-home mom! It is so incredibly exciting, and so I know I can fit in a blog post or two on occasion.

"Tinkerbell" is doing really well. We're very proud of her progress.

JP has been called into youth ministry. Also, not a big surprise.

Gotta go, but more to come!!

Oh Well...

2009-03-16T00:31:00.003-04:00

I don't think anyone actually reads these anymore... probably my fault for never posting. Oh well. We've had a very busy and exciting couple of weeks. More specifics to come, but i thought I'd post a few pics from our recent adventures.

I know, I KNOW!!

2009-02-17T12:20:00.002-05:00

It's been forever, I'm an awful blogger... I'm so sorry!! The problem has been, mostly, that I haven't been able to grab a computer. My husband is taking online classes, and I have a teenage daughter now. But, my husband purchased a laptop for be this weekend, and... lo and behold. I can blog again.

The whole fire thing has finally been resolved. We're settled back in, with very little left to replace. It's been such a pain. I had no idea how long it would take to get a simple insurance settlement, but I am so grateful to God that we had this.

Things with Tinkerbell are still fantastic. I can't believe how well she's assimilated into our family. We are so blessed to have her.

Of course, we aren't stopping here. We are still praying for another placement. We would appreciate any prayers that you might say for us, that our next placement will be one that will fit with our family. It is also possible that the next placement may be the one that allows me to be the stay-at-home mom that I've always wanted to be. I hope so.

Anyway, I'll post again soon.... I promise.

Tagged: My Honey

2008-12-21T17:55:00.002-05:00

*What is your husband's name? John, aka JP

*How long have you guys been married? 9 years, 2 months

*How long did you date? About 10 months or so.

*How old is he? He's hanging on to his twenties by his fingernails (he'll be thirty in January)

*Who is taller? He is by about 5 inches... just the perfect height.

*Who can sing the best? Hm.. He actually sings pretty well, to my surprise. I still sing better though:)

*Who is smarter? Not to borrow Amber's answer, but it does very much depend on the subject at hand. I'd say we're pretty evenly matched (just don't ask me about electronics, and don't ask him about english lit.. or shopping)

*Who pays the bills? We both make the money, I mostly pay the bills. He sometimes plays gofer, but I'm the coordinator.

*Who does the laundry? Mostly me, but he likes playing with the new washer and dryer. It's all technologically advanced and stuff.

*Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you were looking at us sleeping (which is highly unlikely), I'd be on the left and he'd be on the right.

*Who mows the lawn? John. Bless his wonderful heart!

*Who cooks dinner? We have a running joke that he cooks and I compile.

*Who is the first to admit when they're wrong? John never admits he is wrong, even when he admits he is wrong :)

*Who kissed who first? I think he finally took the hint and made the move.... finally.

*Who wears the pants? Well, literally, we all wear pants. Not necessarily "the" pants, as Tinkerbells pants would look funny on everybody else.

Fire!!!!

2008-12-21T16:11:00.003-05:00

It's been a while, folks, but this time I actually have a good reason. We had a house fire in the laundry room on Thanksgiving morning. It started with a malfunctioning heater (even though the insurance company is saying that it's our fault). But, we were really so blessed because we were going out of town the next day, and we were going to my mom's in just a few short hours. If we wouldn't have been there, the whole house would've gone up. My studly man, JP, was trying to put out the fire ( in his underwear, I might add) with a bowl filled with water. I reminded him that we have fire extinguishers, and that accomplished a great deal more. The fire was out by the time that the fire department arrived. The house sustained very little fire damage, but lots and lots of smoke damaged. We were out of the house for 3 weeks while a restoration company cleaned the house and it's belongings. We finally moved back in on Thursday evening. It is so wonderful to be home, even though there are still boxes everywhere, and we have a ton of unpacking to do. And, to complicate matters, we had a big blessing occur...

I'm sure one day we'll understand God's timing on this, but what we've been waiting for has finally happened. We got a *permanent* placement. She has been with us for a couple of weeks now. At first she was in respite care while we moved back into our house, but now she's with us. If I don't understand the timing, I definitely understand why we've had to wait so long. I believe with all of my heart that she was meant for us. She is 15 years old, and she just fits in perfectly. She loves the kids and vice versa. I'll call her Tinkerbell here. It's just such an incredible blessing.

Well, guys, I'm going to sign off now, but I just wanted to say thanks for the prayers during this time, which has been difficult, and we'd appreciate any more that you'd throw our way as we fight with our insurance company. Merry Christmas everyone!

P.S. I'm on the Taylor for Jacob bandwagon now :)

A Visit with Sophia

2008-11-20T20:48:00.007-05:00

We spent the weekend in NC, and we got to visit Sophia. Here's the proof:

The Happy Family

Katie looks like she's been caught holding the baby!

And so Sophia meets her wacky uncle John...

... and you can see he's made a good first impression, as usual.

Isn't she so beautiful?

Any Family Resemblance?

2008-11-08T16:22:00.005-05:00

In honor of the birth of Sophia, I've posted pics of my two babies on the day they came home from the hospital. Is there any family resemblance?

I don't know... it's just so hard to tell at that age!

New Arrival!!!

2008-11-08T12:46:00.003-05:00

As of Thursday night, we are now the proud aunt and uncle of:

Sofia Shanti Paul

Welcome to the family, Sofia! Your uncle, aunt, and cousins love you and look forward to seeing you next week!!

Congratulations Dave and Bhakti!!

Psalm 37:4

2008-10-19T13:38:00.004-04:00

So, things didn't work out with CiCi. It's more complicated than we originally thought, and she will most likely be staying put for awhile.

I really thought about giving up for awhile. If anybody is looking for signs in the events of the past 6 months or so, it would seem like this was just not meant to be. Discouragement plays a part in it, but I have a real desire to do what God wants us to. I felt like, since the beginning, that this is just what God wants us to do. Everytime I've thought about giving up, I've been reassured. But I've been confused. Why is this happening?

Yesterday we went to the fall foster care picnic. We looked around at all of these people with hordes of kids... especially little kids, and I felt very desolate. Having more little children around is the desire of my heart... isn't God supposed to give us that? It was so hard to hang on to the idea that this is our purpose while we were surrounded with all of these familes with their foster children, and we were the family who can't hang on to one kid for more than a couple of days. And then we found out that the one kid who really had my heart... Miss B... went home. My heart hurt.

I didn't have alot of time to dwell on the morning. We left and by the time we got home and did a couple of chores, it was time to leave again for a concert. Jeremy Camp is one of my very favorite Christian artists, and I just love him more now having seen him last night.. outdoors in the super cold weather. He talked about walking by faith... even though he lost his wife to cancer, he can still walk by faith and live God's purpose. I'm sure it's not the way he thought his life would turn out. I'm sure he had a plan. I'm sure that when he got married, he thought God had given him the desire of his heart. God had a different plan though. I encourage you to read about is life at his website, and I'll post the link below:

http://jeremycamp.com/about.htm

Guys, this is not the way I thought this would turn out. I expected to have a houseful of little ones by now. I don't know what's in store for us, but I got the message. We had decided to help teenagers, but know I know that our calling is teenagers. We may still have little ones, but I understand that this is not about the desire of my heart. This is about his desire for our ministry -- because that's what this has always supposed to be-- a ministry. I still believe he will give me the desire of my heart, but I now know that desire will change -- is changing, really. We are going to try to stand in the breech between these kids' last ditch effort and being tossed out of the system on their 18th birthday. I beg for your prayers. I am so thankful for the prayers that have been offered up already on our behalf.

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Popcorn From My Girl

2008-10-07T21:38:00.002-04:00

Well, the weekend went really well. We liked our 15-year-old placement, CiCi, very much. She should be back for another respite weekend this weekend, and I guess we'll go from there...

After CiCi left on Sunday, I was feeling pretty down... watching a weepy chick flick. I had just popped some popcorn for the kids, and Juli came up to me and gave me some popcorn. She said, "Here you go Mommy! It's 'cause I love you!".

I felt better.

Running

2008-10-02T22:10:00.002-04:00

So, here's the update. The 18 year old decided to stay where she was, but on Wednesday we got YET ANOTHER call. This time, for a 15-year old girl. She's definitely coming tomorrow for respite care. If all parties are agreeable, she'll be a permanent placement. Cross your fingers, everybody!

A Change of Heart

2008-09-28T18:23:00.004-04:00

I've been trying to start this post for a week, but somehow just couldn't. It has been such an indescribable week, in so many ways. I guess I'll start with last weekend. We had a respite care placement over the weekend; I'll call her Miss B. It started out a little rocky, but by the end of the weekend, we were all just in love with her. Really. This was totally unexpected. We hadn't even wanted any kids over 8, and she was 15. All of the sudden, John and I were forced to totally reevaluate what we were doing, and why we had set that limitation. So, to make a long story short, we both realized that having Miss B with us over the weekend had finally forced us to see that God did not want us to have a limitation. Looking back, I see the point where this was first clear as day. I had gone to a foster care training meeting called Panel Night. The current foster parents and their placements would come to answer questions and encourage the newbies (note: this was over a year ago). One of the workers asked the teenagers to tell us all why we should consider taking teenagers. While I sat and listened to these answers, I got that -- call. That Holy Spirit smack that you get and you're supposed to listen to. But, I was so concerned about what *we* wanted, that I just dismissed it. I mentioned it to JP too, but he also felt it would be better if we didn't.

And so, you guys know what a hard time we've had just starting. I think if we'd just paid attention to start with, it wouldn't have been so hard. This year with our church's youth has definitely prepared us for what's to come. You'd think that kids in church would have less problems than your average ordinary, but, at least for our church, that's plainly just not the case. We have a great support system for teenagers, and, let's face it, my husband is just outstanding with teenagers. Truly. I still haven't given up on my hopes for some little ones for my babies to play with, but I suddenly see the value of having teenagers too.

I miss Miss B still.

And so, as you might guess, the next placement was quick to come. We actually got the call on Monday. This one I can't really talk about very much, just because it's a sensitive case. Little Mama was 16. She came on Wednesday, and we had her for about 2 hours. She was supposed to be a temporary placement, although not as temporary as it turned out to be. All I can say is that the agency was not at fault here, and we were not at fault here, and nothing really "happened". It's a reminder that it's not all sunshine and roses, and we have to be very careful about the placements that we take.

Wednesday afternoon we got a call for yet another placement. We are supposed to find out on Monday or Tuesday whether she'll actually be coming. This girl is 18, and would be a permanent placement. That's really all I can tell you at this point because it's all that I know. Pray for us! Pray that if we can help this girl, that she'll give us a shot.

We've had a crazy weekend. I'll have to post about the Beth Moore retreat and the Volunteer Appreciation soon... don't let me forget.

Baby Steps

2008-09-15T18:37:00.002-04:00

Well, folks, we are off and.. taking some baby steps. School and extra-curriculars are in full swing. Jonathan started flag football 2 Saturdays ago. The first session was utterly atrocious. Lucky for us, Jonathan has a really great coach who talked us out of taking him out of it. This past Saturday, while not without issue, was so very much better. He decided that he wants to do cub scouts also. His behavior is actually getting better all the way around. I've never given sports much credit, but I'm learning to eat my words here. We're trying to find something to get Juli into, as she's very jealous of Jonathan right now. She wants to play football!

Last Thursday we got a call from one of the other foster families in our area, and we got to babysit for their four foster kids on Friday. It was only for a couple of hours, but we really had a nice time. It felt like the first little baby step on the way to an actual placement. Well, we did get a placement today, BUT... it's temporary respite care for only four days. We'll be taking care of a 14 year old girl over the weekend. This feels like a much steadier toddler step, and JP and I feel like we've really turned a corner. Here's hoping we'll be running laps soon!

Holding Pattern

2008-08-29T21:07:00.003-04:00

It seems like everybody is in a holding pattern lately. We're still waiting for foster care, and Amber and her family are still waiting for little Jackson to arrive. In the meantime, Juli started school, and Jonathan lost a tooth!

Here's Juli on her first day of school!

Juli has been wanting to play with these dinosaurs ever since she saw them at Jonathan's pre-K open house almost two years ago. Isn't it beautiful to see a dream realized?

My Country Bumpkin :)

My babies are all growing up!

School

2008-08-21T20:18:00.004-04:00

Hello all! We're still waiting for a placement... still. In the meantime, we've been busy enjoying our last days of summer vacation and the first days of school. Uncle Harry and Aunt Bailey sent the kids a back-to-school present, and they were so excited. Yesterday, Jonathan started to school, and Juli had her pre-school interview. Her first day is next Wednesday. That's pretty much all that's going on. Here are some pics of the kids with their back-to-school presents.

Random Juli, Vol.2

2008-08-12T20:04:00.002-04:00

When we got home this evening, the following conversation took place:

Juli: Look mommy, I have a scratch! (pulls down her shorts to show a red place on her hip)

Me: Oh, poor baby, what happened?

Juli: It's a timple!!

Me: A timple??? You mean a pimple?

Juli: No mommy, we don't say that.

Me: What, pimple? It's okay to say pimple... see... pimple, pimple.

Juli: No mommy, let's call it... uuuuh.... uuuummm.... Mr....... Timpleton. Yeah, Mr. Timpleton.

Me: Mr. Timpleton the Pimple?

Juli: Yeah!!!!!

2008-08-11T23:30:00.002-04:00

One of Those Days

2008-08-11T21:50:00.002-04:00

I guess it's just one of those days. I just feel like the stress and the minutiae of life is smothering me right now. I know that this is a temporary feeling, probably brought on by hormones and a string of irritating events, but I just feel *down*. We're still waiting on foster care, meanwhile, things at work are getting worse by the day. My kids start back to school soon, and I was so hoping to steal some time with them before it started. I dropped food on my shirt. Maybe I should go to sleep and start again...

... waiting... waiting.... forever waiting

2008-08-08T21:37:00.007-04:00

Hello Everyone!

Sorry that it's been awhile since my last post, but things have been crazy here. I gave Amber a baby shower last weekend, which went really well if I do say so myself (check out Amber's blog for pics!). I baked 2 bathtub cakes in 4 days time! We also had some out-of-town visitors for the weekend... Harry and Bailey! They came in for Amber's shower. They were so much help... thanks you guys!!!!

On the foster care front, we have good news!! Our background checks came back last week, and we are officially, again, certified foster parents. Now we're just back to waiting for a placement. Oddly, it doesn't seem like so much of a pins-and-needles kind of wait anymore, what with all of the hurdles we've jumped and the time that it has taken. So, all of you in cyberland, thank you so much for all of the prayers. And, please pray for us some more!

That's all for now, but we're still waiting on "THE" phonecall, and I'll let you know when it happens. Here are some pics of our recent escapades:

The First Duckie Cake

Here are the kids hanging out at John's parent's pool

Here's a picture that did not go *quite* as planned

Here's my baby... snuggled up with his wittle beaw!

And... finally.... my budding actor:

Random Juli, Vol. 1

2008-07-16T22:31:00.003-04:00

My daughter sometimes says the most random things. I thought I would share it with you...

So, while John and I were cooking on Monday, I put Sesame Street on the big TV. When we came back, Juli had lined her dolls and stuffed animals on our couch. John asked her what their names are, and she went down the line, "This one is Brady, this one is Helen, This one is Hannah, this one is (fill in random normal names here), and this one is Vitamin, and THIS one is SELFISH!!!!

LOL!?!?!?

Blessed!

2008-07-16T22:20:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I forget to give the credit where it's due. Sometimes in the fast pace life we live, I forget who's holding our hand and keeping us afloat. Sometimes I forget that everything that happens, good or bad, is just a little part of God's plan for us. So, praise him in your successes as well as your failures. We are Blessed!

Charbroiled

2008-07-13T21:25:00.003-04:00

Hello again all! I'm so happy to be home! We did have alot of fun, although it was also pretty irritating at times. It was so extremely hot. The last day there was a heat advisory, and it actually was supposed to be 105 degrees. I'm not sure if it actually got all the way there, but it really felt like it! And, of course, I got sunburned- charbroiled, really. The worst part, though, was missing the kids. It was a nice break for the first day, and then I just missed them so much that I could barely stand it. So - never again. From now on, if we're going somewhere, we're taking the kids with us. Lesson learned!

Drum Roll Please!!!!

2008-07-09T22:40:00.002-04:00

Dave and Bhakti are having a girl!!!!! John and I are so excited to have a niece on the way, and the kids are excited about the idea of a new baby cousin.

Well, we are off to King's Dominion in the morning. I'll update you probably on Monday!!

We Made It!

2008-07-08T20:01:00.006-04:00

We're back! The trip to NC went relatively well. We didn't get to see Dave and Bhakti very much, just on the evening of the 4th, but she was looking very pregnant! They are supposed to go tomorrow for their ultrasound, so I might get to update tomorrow on the sex of the newest Paul.

On the good side, Harry and Bailey were with us the whole time! They even stayed at John's parents house. We felt so much more comfortable. And, it was just really good to see them. Hopefully, we'll see them again soon.

Katie was there the whole time too. The kids had a great time with her, and we were able to take all three to the park and to lunch on Saturday. I just miss her already.

Here's some pics from the trip!

Dad and Kids riding the carousel.

You can almost hear them say, "You can't catch us! Na na na na naaaaah!"

Katie, enjoying the carousel.

Pilot #1

Pilot #2

The kids rode the train around the park. You can see they enjoyed it!

Rest before Chaos... and the Pool Incident

2008-06-29T19:01:00.003-04:00

I'm still recovering well from my little surgery. All in all, it was infinitely easier than my past surgeries, and my husband took care of us all so well! As a reward, he's spent most of the last several days finishing up GTA IV, and I've been told that he's nearly done (Thank You Jesus!!!!). We're all trying to rest up and rejuvenate before our lives get tumbled into chaos again. There's lots of stuff going on in the next little bit, and I hope that I'll get a chance to post some pics and let you guys know all about it. This next weekend we're going to NC to visit John's family (some of them would claim me too). I'm super excited about seeing the newlyweds (Harry and Bailey), and my Katie (John's neice), and the expectant parents (Dave and Bhakti). Things are always ... interesting... with John's parents, so hopefully that'll go well also.

The week after JP and I are going to chaperone a Youth trip to a Christian Music festival. Yikes! I'm still pretty excited though, and there's going to be some great music. The kiddies are staying with Nana for a couple of days, since we agreed that they're not quite ready for 3 days in the hot sun, probably being bored. I was really torn between leaving them and taking them.. but we committed to being chaperones, and we wouldn't be much good at that with our two little ones along. Besides, this will be our last chance to do this kind of thing, since....

... our background checks should be in near the end of July. So, here's hoping that we'll have some more kiddies by then.

I promised I'd tell you the pool story, so here goes:

One of the other Youth Leader's children had a pool birthday party last Saturday. John had a lot of work to do for our Youth Gaming night, so he won the toss, so to speak, and I had to be the one to take our kids swimming while JP worked (and took pictures) on the side. So, when it was time for me to get into the pool, I responsibly went to the ladder turned around backwards, started to go down the ladder, and fell backwards into the pool. That's just so typical. Remind me to tell you about the bumper boat story sometime. Anyway, I had a couple of nasty bruises to show for it. My surgery was the following Monday, and when I pre-registered, one of the questions that they had asked is if I had fallen in the last 30 days... to which I said ... uhm, probably!?!?. I had to go in on Monday and tell the pool story to all the nice doctors and nurses. Why me?

Anyway, JP was able to document some of our pool moments :

Here are my babies: all floatied up and ready to go!

Here they are enjoying the water. You can tell that I'm thrilled about this "I'm in the water and you're taking pictures" arrangement.

I'll post again soon (and I have been doing much better about that!).

Recovering

2008-06-25T23:58:00.002-04:00

Hey, everybody! I just wanted to let everyone know that the biopsy came back negative for cancer, but positive for polyps, which is really not that big of a deal. I had a little outpatient surgery to get those little suckers removed on Monday, and I'm still recovering, but doing better.

Remind me to tell you guys about the pool adventure, next time.

Friday the 13th lasts all week long...

2008-06-18T23:05:00.003-04:00

If I were a superstitious person, I would never fear Friday the 13th. It's always great for me.

If I were a superstitious person, I would really fear the week after. Take this week for example. On Monday, I had to go to my gynecologist (grounds enough), and I had to get a biopsy. The biopsy is totally "for peace of mind", but it was extremely painful, and wondering about the results has made me slightly bonkers. I had an argument over the phone with a clothing company, the results for the biopsy were late, I had to hold my extremely full bladder while some lady pushed on my abdomen and took pictures (also known as Ultrasound).

And here's where my day really started to go downhill. We found out that the state auditor had a problem with our foster care application, so we have to re-do our background check, which will take 6 weeks to 3 months to complete.

So, we decided to take our sorrows to Applebee's to try to get some fresh scenery and enjoy a family evening. Juli dropped macaroni on her leg and know has a horrible burn and blisters to go along with it.

I'm just going to rent out a padded room for the rest of the week!

Update (A.K.A. Strike Two)

2008-06-12T17:20:00.001-04:00

Well, as predicted, this placement also did not go through.

Please pray for us that we'll get the right placement at the right time.

Foster Parenting Update !!!

2008-06-10T21:57:00.002-04:00

We got a call today about another sibling group that *may* need a home. I'll keep you guys posted, but this does not look like a likely placement.

The good news is that the placement that sticks shouldn't take long.

Foster Parenting ?!?!

2008-06-08T18:03:00.002-04:00

People think that John and I are nuts, but we just want more kids. We have been so blessed with two happy, healthy babies who are growing up at lightning speed before our eyes... but still, we want a larger family.

I think for me it comes from being an only child. I was just so lonely growing up, and a lot of the lessons I had to learn later in life I think I would've learned earlier if I'd had siblings. And now, I've been blessed with a friend who's like a sister in every way but name (love you, Amber!!), but I'd hate to think what my life would be like without that connection. I would not rob my children of that experience for anything in the world -- not for my own comfort or theirs. I truly believe that God used those experiences to create this drive in me have more children. And not just for my kids, but for us, too. As fate would have it, it looks like we are not going to have any more biological children. So, now what?

We looked at international adoption, which is an incredible thing, but the expense is certainly a problem. Domestic adoption was never really an option for us... not in the way of having a birth mother pick you. I think for us it's always been about finding children who need a home. There's an abundance of people who want to adopt the babies. What about everybody else?

I had taken to watching "Adoption Stories" on Discovery Health, and those stories of foster parents who had adopted their children were just fantastic to me. "These are the kids who need us", I thought. For me, that was pretty much it. I started to work on John about it, but this was at the very beginning of our Christian days, and he just really wasn't that excited about the prospect. God worked on him though, and it wasn't long before he agreed. So, we started the process, but a few months later, the agency determined that we didn't spend enough time at home to qualify as foster parents.

So our goal for this last year was to be ready to try again this summer. God has blessed us in ways that I just didn't think were possible. We became youth leaders in our church. John got a promotion that allows him to pretty much set his own schedule. We moved to a house that is much larger, and is much better suited for a larger family. And God never let us forget that it was for an eventual goal -- there would be foster children in this house with us.

So, a few weeks ago, we contacted the case worker (CW), and we let her know that we wanted to try again, and that we spent a considerably larger amount of time at home. We thought we were going to have to take the classes again, and re-do all the paperwork, but we were okay with that. And let me just emphasize here, that this is now a calling for the both of us. John went from apathetic to just as excited and anxious as I am about this possibility.

So, last week we got a call from the CW. We had a referral of THREE CHILDREN!! We had 10-14 days to finish our paperwork and have our homestudy so that we could take in these three kids. So, we worked hard for a solid week to finish everything so that they'd have a place to go. Everything just went perfect.

Then, the day after we were certified (Friday), we contacted the CW, and she let us know that a relative had decided to retain custody of the kids.

And so we were introduced to the particular hardships of foster parenting. I have to say that we're still feeling a little lost right now, but I know that God has a purpose for all of this. Our youth leader said that it could be that having those kids stay in their family was an answer to a prayer. Wow. What a way to look at it, and I hope that's the case. As for us, it's back to business as usual -- sort of. Now there forever looms this chance of a phone call that can change it all in an instant.

I'll let you know when we get it.

The Wedding, Part II

2008-05-27T12:33:00.005-04:00

Julianna and (officially) Aunt Bailey

This one is even cuter than it looks because Jonathan leaped into Harry's arms. He loves his Uncle Harry.

This is the only actual wedding shot that I took. It was a very lovely church.

This is the only picture I got of the bride and groom. The photographer nazi was always in the way. Please observe the elbow. Also, observe that awesome cake.

Just too adorable not to post.

Aren't they just beautiful?

Hey, didn't there used to be a Food Lion over there?

The Wedding

2008-05-26T22:34:00.005-04:00

John's brother, Harry, got married this weekend in Gibsonville, NC. We traveled down on Friday to celebrate the big day. We stayed with John's brother and sister-in-law, Dave and Bhakti. We had a really great time, and the kids just loved spending time with their aunts and uncles.

The wedding went really well. All were in attendence, and the kids provided some great entertainment. At the part where Bailey said, "I will", Jonathan dramatically drew a hand accross his brow and said, "Whew!!!". As if he weren't sure she was going to agree. Juli was a little over zealous as the flower girl. She had so much fun walking down the aisle, she decided to go back and she met Bailey on the way in. I'm so glad that Bailey and Harry appreciated it for the entertainment that it was. All that aside though, the wedding was beautiful, and the reception was lots of fun. The wedding cake was really unique - a black and white paisley, and we had strawberries dipped in chocolate. John gave the toast (my husband just doesn't know how to be shy)... and it was sweet and funny. Bailey's aunt also gave a toast and called the couple Harry and Barry... to much hilarity.

After the wedding, we hung out with the happy couple awhile, and the kids got their "rewards" for being good at the wedding. In fact, as we were leaving the chapel, Jonathan announced, "Mommy, you ARE proud of me". He's a psychic. Who knew? Anyway, Juli got a new Bride and Groom barbie set, and Jonathan got the Shrek 3 Wii game. After, we had dinner with Dave and Bhakti, and John and I felt very sage as we gave advice about strollers and baby swings (Dave and Bhakti are 14 weeks pregnant, and the kids are so excited to have a little cousin on the way!). We then met back up with Harry and Bailey to play some Rock Band. We really had such a great day.

On Sunday, we had brunch with John's parents, Katie, Dave and Bhakti. Katie and Juli were joined at the hip again, and we looked at some family pictures before heading back.

Here are some pictures of our trip, and my beautiful babies, all dressed in their wedding finery.

Here are Uncle Dave and Aunt Bhakti. You can *almost* tell she's pregnant.

Jonathan's just taking a little breather.

And here's our flower girl. This picture was taken by Uncle Dave, who claims it happened only by divine intervention.

Belated Birthday Update

2008-04-18T23:18:00.012-04:00

So, Jonathan's party was a couple of weeks ago, but I still wanted to update you. The party went well. I was rushed as always. My dear friend Amber made the cake, and it was really, really awesome. Here are some pics from the party:

Don't these look amazing? They tasted even better!

Jonathan and Carter have apparently missed each other.

It's a miracle!! My parents actually agreed to be in a picture!

The kiddie table ( I was sitting there too)

I just think this is a hilarious picture for some reason. They almost look like a group of super heroes.

The Lemmons boys eat cake!

Nathan: Our prize winner for being the first not to cheat!

Okay, that's all for now, but more to come!

One Last Request

2008-03-30T23:11:00.000-04:00

Hey new people, please leave comments!

Getting Serious About Blogging

2008-03-30T21:41:00.010-04:00

So, I'm going to get serious about blogging now, and I'm going to try to do it more often. I'm even going to invite some new people. We've had an eventful couple of weeks. Easter went well. The kids enjoyed their baskets, and we even got a night off from church to relax.

Jonathan and Juli woke up early to see what the easter basket brought them! Here they are looking all bleary eyed!

Here they are at church. Juli has a Tinkerbell-ish kind of dress on, but you can't tell because she insisted on buttoning her sweater all of the way up. Jonathan found the blue stuffed monkey on the easter egg hunt. He called it an electric fighting machine. We just smiled and nodded. He definitely has an active imagination!

So, we spent our easter evening napping and eating chocolate.

This weekend we had visitors from out of town: John's parents. We've not seen them in almost two years, so this was a very stressful event. Things went really well, so I'm glad about that, and we also got to see John's cousin Katie (she calls us aunt and uncle, which is cool). We had a great visit with her, and Juli especially loved spending time with another girl.

This is pretty much the way these two were all weekend. They just loved each other!

Katie and Jonathan got along pretty well, but she was pretty confused by his "all boy" behavior.

Okay, I hate having pictures taken of me, much less posting them, but this was such a rare event (the two of us actually being willing to have our picture taken), that I couldn't resist.

Here are me and my girls. Juli and I are really going to miss Katie.

This is a picture of my husband's parents with all of the children.

So, after our work week this week, we have Jonathan's birthday party on Saturday, and we'll hopefully have some guests this weekend as well.

More to come!!

Just for You

2008-03-10T19:30:00.005-04:00

Dear Reader,

You know who you are.

I am posting this blog specifically by your request.

Sorry it's been so long, everybody (wink, wink), but sickness still prevails in the Bristol branch of the Paul family. We currently are all in recovery and/or not sick mode, so things are looking up.

Bring on the Spring!!!!

In other news, the new house is not working out quite as well as we'd hoped. Our landlady is fruit-loops. Yes, I said it: She's totally bonkers. So, it looks like we are on countdown to our next move, if you can believe it. We've got about 8 months until our lease is out, and we fully expect her to refuse to renew the lease (again, due to the fact that she's about 2 fries short of a Happy Meal). Pray for us, please... we want to stay in one place for more than a couple of months, especially now that the kids are in school.

Also, please pray for our landlady's safe removal from society and into a mental ward. That sounds bad, I know, but she's seriously whacked.

As for the remaining portion of our lives, it's kids, kids, kids. Kids at home and kids at church. That may sound like a complaint, but it really isn't. I never knew just how invested I could be in the lives of 30 + kids in just under a year. I can't tell you how much I want to be a stay-at-home mom -- not just for my kids, but for our teenagers, and for those children that are meant to be ours that we just haven't gotten to meet yet. Here's hoping that we can make that happen.

I"ll leave you with some pics of our recent escapades.

Jonathan lost his first tooth!!!!

Juli's showing off her new dress (which was covered in Fruit Punch within just a few seconds).

Tagged

2008-03-10T19:18:00.002-04:00

Amber tagged me!

The rules...

1. Pick up the nearest book (at least 123 pages).

2. Open to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the fifth sentence on your blog.

5. Tag 5 people.

Okay, the nearest book to me is actually Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer.

The fifth sentence says "Love at First Sight?"

This is actually interesting because it a conversation between Jacob and Belle, and everyone knows I'm seriously a Jacob gal.

Well, the tagging part is hard because the only people who read my blog are Amber, who tagged me, and maybe Joy, who tagged Amber.

I have no one to tag ;-(

2008-01-05T21:56:00.001-05:00

Well, we survived the move, Christmas, and the New Year.. but just barely. We've gotten everything pretty much set at the new house, and it is wonderful!! We were sick all through Christmas, so that was unfortunate. But, we had visitors for New Year's, and it was much better. Anyway, I thought I'd post some Pics, and I'll blog longer later.

Here are Jonathan and Juli as their favorite Teen Titans characters, Robin and Raven.

Here, they are watching themselves on TV.

Christmas Morning

Juli got a Bride Barbie for Christmas, and here's her impression. In case you're wondering, that "veil" is actually a hooded towel.

I hope everyone has had a lovely New Year!!

TAGGED

2007-11-28T22:05:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged byAmber

The rules:A. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning.B. Eachplayer lists 6 facts/habits about themselves.C. At the end of the post, theplayer then tags 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs andleaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and askingthem to read your blog.

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1. My greatest wish as a child, and even now, is that I had a sibling. This is also why I agreed to have a child only if there would be another child following soon behind. Lucky for me that I have two friends who've adopted me and vice versa. Amber has been like a sister to me for almost 25 years.. why let a little DNA stand in the way of a dream?

2. I hate to cry over real, personal issues. However, I cry probably daily at TV shows and movies. It 's either really pathetic or very cathartic -- possibly both. So, don't expect me to cry at what hurts me, but if I'm waching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, you might as well pull out the tissues.

3. Once you've claimed me as a friend, you're pretty much stuck with me. I'm like a leech that way.

4. I love books - almost any kind of books. I read during pretty much any down time I have. I have varied taste, but prefer "supernatural" themed novels. I'm just now getting to the point where I can read literature again. I have an English Degree, and I was sick of that stuff for a really long time (I just can't get over my hatred of Faulkner... what was Oprah thinking with that book club selection?).

5. I'm a betta mommy! I love betta fish and I have a tankful of 6 week old babies. They're doing well... I'll keep you updated!!

6. Out of all household chores, I hate doing dishes the most. I would rather clean toilets than do dishes. Thank you, God, for dishwashers!

This is really sad, but I don't have anybody to tag yet. So, if you are reading this and haven't posted yours yet, consider yourself tagged!!

2007-11-28T21:33:00.001-05:00

Finally!

2007-11-27T18:51:00.001-05:00

Finally, a blog! My name is Sabrina, and I'm the matriarch of the Bristol Branch of clan Paul. The Pater Familias here is John, AKA JP. We have two beautiful children: Julianna, who we mostly call Juli (4) and Jonathan (5). We have hundreds of fish, and a doggie that we are going to fight like mad to keep in our newest move. Yes, we are moving!! Saturday is the big day. Pictures are forthcoming. Come back and visit us soon!