Psalm 37:4

So, things didn't work out with CiCi. It's more complicated than we originally thought, and she will most likely be staying put for awhile.

I really thought about giving up for awhile. If anybody is looking for signs in the events of the past 6 months or so, it would seem like this was just not meant to be. Discouragement plays a part in it, but I have a real desire to do what God wants us to. I felt like, since the beginning, that this is just what God wants us to do. Everytime I've thought about giving up, I've been reassured. But I've been confused. Why is this happening?

Yesterday we went to the fall foster care picnic. We looked around at all of these people with hordes of kids... especially little kids, and I felt very desolate. Having more little children around is the desire of my heart... isn't God supposed to give us that? It was so hard to hang on to the idea that this is our purpose while we were surrounded with all of these familes with their foster children, and we were the family who can't hang on to one kid for more than a couple of days. And then we found out that the one kid who really had my heart... Miss B... went home. My heart hurt.

I didn't have alot of time to dwell on the morning. We left and by the time we got home and did a couple of chores, it was time to leave again for a concert. Jeremy Camp is one of my very favorite Christian artists, and I just love him more now having seen him last night.. outdoors in the super cold weather. He talked about walking by faith... even though he lost his wife to cancer, he can still walk by faith and live God's purpose. I'm sure it's not the way he thought his life would turn out. I'm sure he had a plan. I'm sure that when he got married, he thought God had given him the desire of his heart. God had a different plan though. I encourage you to read about is life at his website, and I'll post the link below:

http://jeremycamp.com/about.htm



Guys, this is not the way I thought this would turn out. I expected to have a houseful of little ones by now. I don't know what's in store for us, but I got the message. We had decided to help teenagers, but know I know that our calling is teenagers. We may still have little ones, but I understand that this is not about the desire of my heart. This is about his desire for our ministry -- because that's what this has always supposed to be-- a ministry. I still believe he will give me the desire of my heart, but I now know that desire will change -- is changing, really. We are going to try to stand in the breech between these kids' last ditch effort and being tossed out of the system on their 18th birthday. I beg for your prayers. I am so thankful for the prayers that have been offered up already on our behalf.



Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Popcorn From My Girl

Well, the weekend went really well. We liked our 15-year-old placement, CiCi, very much. She should be back for another respite weekend this weekend, and I guess we'll go from there...

After CiCi left on Sunday, I was feeling pretty down... watching a weepy chick flick. I had just popped some popcorn for the kids, and Juli came up to me and gave me some popcorn. She said, "Here you go Mommy! It's 'cause I love you!".

I felt better.

Running

So, here's the update. The 18 year old decided to stay where she was, but on Wednesday we got YET ANOTHER call. This time, for a 15-year old girl. She's definitely coming tomorrow for respite care. If all parties are agreeable, she'll be a permanent placement. Cross your fingers, everybody!