Surprise

Mia Tiffy, with her beloved pig balloon.

Today, I was minding my own business, and working on a clothing/laundry/simplification project when a familiar car showed up in my driveway. It was none other than --her-- "baby daddy". He came here to apologize to us because, when the whole situation was going on with --her--, he didn't believe what my husband had told him about her. I have no desire to tell the whole sordid mess, but suffice it to say that he's been played, and needed somebody to talk to who has been there, done that. He was shocked when he tried to get her to return his phone in a public place, she ran away from him, screaming, "Don't hurt me, stop hitting me". Not surprising, but detestable behavior, all the same.

This foster care world is tricky. I still love --her--, and probably always will. He does too, I'm sure, despite the belly-deep feeling of betrayal that he's feeling. For me, it's easier to move on, and unfortunately, his pain helps me to resolve my "what might have been"s. I just hope, and pray, that he can move on. We already have, but I still hope she can dig herself out of the mire, and one day realize that these constant machinations will alienate everybody that cares for her.

For now, life is really good here. JP has some time off from work while the girls get adjusted. The girls themselves are slowly carving out a place for themselves here. Pixie, 4, is loveable but angry. Already, we've cut the rages down to a couple of times weekly from a couple of times daily. Sissy, 5, is a complex creature who likes to stay in her shell, but has been making more frequent appearances. Georgia, 8, is conflicted, but sweet. She has a bit of an attitude problem, but we are chipping away at that as well.



Mia is enjoying her first normal summer of her life. She went to the beach with Uncle Harry and Aunt Bailey. She's had friends over, and she's just had a lot of fun. She cut her hair, inherited some monster goldfish, and is comfortable, settled, and happy.








Jonathan and Juli are much the same, with hearts so big that they have always accepted new kids with glee, and have shared their mom and dad. Jonathan really wants a brother, though, especially since Juli and Georgia are joined at the hip, nearly always together. Juli has suddenly taken on a deep southern twang, which is hilarious, especially considering she's missing her top two teeth, and has a bit of a natural lisp.

Wednesday is always one of my favorite nights of the week, because I don't have to cook!! We have potluck at church, and today is soup and sandwiches, yuuummy!

Blog Neglect

I'm guilty! So often I want to blog about things that happen around here, but I just never seem to get around to it. Of course, I'm fairly certain that my "not getting around to it" is more a function of not wanting to face some of the things that have happened. It's so much easier to go about my day, getting immersed in my research or everyday chores of having children and a family, than to retrace the steps of the last 4 months or so. However, I started this blog as both an outlet for me, and also to possibly help any other foster/adoptive families on their journey, and I'm not being fair to either of those goals. So, rather than drawing this out through several entries, maybe I'll just lay it all out there for all of you to see.

The first part is actually a huge, great, happening... one that we had been expecting for some time. As we were moving into our new house, we actually got a letter stating that we now, officially, legally, have a new daughter! My Tinkerbell can be introduced to the bloggy world as herself! Please, let me introduce, my daughter, Mia Tiffany!
We are so proud that her adoption is final! I really would love to post some more pics of the past couple of years, so that you can see her interact with the rest of us. She is an amazing blessing to our family. She is dependable and stable, and really, she should be the poster child for adopting older children. One of our friends from church often remarks that everybody needs a Tiffany (her name prior to finalization), and I could most definitely agree. She is coming through the harder times remarkably well, and she has expressed an interest in fostering and adopting. I couldn't be happier, and Lord knows she will have more than enough experience by that time!

So, on to less happy subjects. Or, if not less happy, then certainly more difficult to talk about. Indie and Sassy were a very difficult placement for many reasons, not the least of which was their behavior. Legally speaking, though, it was a very odd case from beginning to end. JP and I prayed very hard for guidance about whether or not we should file for custody for these children. The answer we got was a resounding no, to my everlasting surprise. We would have had to fight another family for them, and we both believed, and still do, that this family was *their* family. This is God's plan for them. This was obviously not our plan, but I know, and was promised by scripture, that there is a reason that will be revealed. This is the guidance we received at a tough point regarding them:

Habakkuk 2:3 (New International Version)

³ For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay.

This verse was meant for us, but also for Indy and Sassy's future adoptive parents, which is what we pray will occur. In the meantime, after a lengthy transition period, Indy and Sassy have moved to the home of their future adoptive parents, and are doing absolutely fantastic. We remain a part of their lives, and are overjoyed to see them often. They are adjusting well to our new role in their lives, and I believe that this situation has actually created a lot of healing, particularly for Indie.

As for us, it's been difficult all the way around. There were many dark days since we found out about this transition in late February. I've doubted, and wavered, and ended up back where we started, believing the word we were given. I love these two babies with all that I am, and even the really hard situation was not enough to lessen my desire to keep them with us. Besides, logically, I always believe that the less moving around, the better for any children. However, God is sovereign, and we, as a family, will obey. Period.

They left about a month ago, and everyone is dealing well, even Mia, who is still deeply saddened by their departure. Me? Well, I've never been much of a crier in response to my personal emotions, so I've not been sleeping very well. I miss them, but I keep busy, and I have so much peace knowing that they are were they are supposed to be, and that they are thriving.

In the midst of all of this Indie/Sassy drama, we got a call about a new placement in April. We were told that she was 17 and pregnant, and very little else. We embraced her with open arms, and loved her immensely. Her time here was marked by unfortunate circumstances-- both the pregnancy and the resulting miscarriage, as well as some issues with DSS. She ran away once, came back, only to refuse to go out of town with us, forcing the agency to place her for respite. At this point, both DSS, the agency, and us were forced to admit that she had to be placed elsewhere permanently. According to her, who I just can't find the strength to name on this blog, she didn't want to be a part of a family, didn't want to be loved, and thought we were nice, but deserved other children. She deserved us too, she just couldn't see it. She is doing well in the other foster home, which is structured differently than ours. I still have a heavy heart where she is concerned, but I have had no other choice but to try to move on. She briefly made some false allegations against us as well, when she found out that she couldn't return. The sad part is that I actually miss her, too. She was a very loveable child, if not a very honest one, and her life's hurts have buried her in such a way that she is not able to accept love from other people. I still worry about what the future holds for her, and I hope that she is able to overcome the challenges that she undoubtedly faces.

The thing that just really pisses me off about this whole situation, is that I feel like I have *given up* on three kids who needed me. Logically, I know that this is not the case with Indy and Sassy, but I will always wonder if there was something I could've done differently with ... her. It just feeds my worst fear, that as foster parents, we are more often part of the problem than we are part of the solution. I am unable to shake this thought, and I am praying for guidance regarding our family's future. We are still called to help the orphan, and I know that we are still called to adopt. I am no longer sure we are called to be foster parents, and I would personally like to transition to adopting through the foster care system exclusively. God will lead me, when the time comes. That time has certainly not come yet, as I still have three foster children, with a possibility of two more coming.

You see, the one good thing about the situation with... her is that we got to know DSS from a specific county, and despite the outcome, they were very pleased with us. Through her social worker, we have now received two other placements. The first is the "maybe" placement that would not occur for a couple of more months, if at all. The second came to us about a month ago. The last weekend that Indy and Sassy were with us, three little girls were placed here. They are doing well, and I'll tell you more about them later. For now, I'll tell you that we have a four-year-old- Pixie, a five-year-old- Sissy, and an eight-year-old-Georgia.

So, you are now officially caught up!