Thankful Thursday

Today is one of those days when it's hard to be thankful. My grandfather passed away a couple of days ago, and his funeral was today, but I'm so thankful that he had a long and healthy life! He was almost 84 years old, and was on the roof cleaning out the gutters just a few weeks ago. I'm thankful that my grandmother is still with us, and that we have more time yet to spend with her.

Family is such a precious gift! Love on yours, today.

Loving the Difficult Child

I feel like, at 30 years old, I have a pretty healthy image of myself -- both the flaws and the good parts. At least, I used to. I've always loved children, and I've always been good with them. I'm stern, but consistent, without being mean, and I shower children with love and affection. I thought those were set-in-stone truths about me.

Then God showed me something that came as a very unpleasant surprise.

As you all probably know, I was chomping at the bit to get some little ones in my home. I missed little gummy smiles and even diapers. I got what I wished for, but I'm finding it's not at all like I imagined. About 8 months ago, two little girls arrived in our home. The little one was a joy, particularly for the first couple of months. Now she's going through the terrible twos, which is not so fun, but is totally expected. Indie, the 2, now 3, year-old, though, has been a challenge of epic proportions. She hasn't set anything on fire or killed anyone (yet), but it's the little things. Constant lying, constant disobedience, jaw-dropping defiance, sneaky behaviors, stealing, inciting arguments and fights.... I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Last night, she woke up Tink at 4:30 in the morning by throwing things at her. Which is not the first or even fifth time this week she has thrown something at Tink.

To make this long story short, I'm totally defeated. I lose patience constantly with her, which makes me more short and on edge with Sassy, and even Jonathan and Juli to some degree. I feel like I'm constantly at "simmer" just waiting to boil over. Right now, I'm not good with these kids. I've tried every disciplinary tactic at my disposal, but nothing works. I keep wondering how Jesus would handle a kid like Indie, and I keep coming up with LOVE, and forgiveness. So here's the big money question. How do I show love to this child?

Tink and I were discussing love and marraige recently, and I was emphasizing to her how love is an action, not a feeling. Loving someone is treating them with respect and kindness, and putting their needs over your own, not some butterflies-in-tummy emotion that is so very temporary. And then I thought about Indie. Is my love for her coming out in my actions?

Busted.

But the problem still remains. How do I love her, yet guide her in the way she should go? How can I love her, yet protect the other little ones in my home (like, protecting Tink from projectile objects?). So, God has shown me that I have some work to do... any ideas on how I might do it?

The return of Thankful Thursday!

December the 10th is now such a special day for our family! One year ago today, "Tinkerbell" pranced her way into our lives, and we are so incredibly thankful! I know that many of my Thankful Thursday posts have focused on her, but on this day, in God's infinite wisdom... guess what we just got in the mail? Our adoption petition! We hope to go get this signed today, and that should be it!! We have to await finalization, but that is petty much guaranteed.

I am so thankful that God had a plan for our family, and it was very different than mine.

Gobble, Gobble!!

Despite sickness, we've had a great week here at the Paul household. I cooked my first Thanksgiving feast (with some help from Bailey, Mom, and Tink, of course), and it went beautifully. We did some Black Friday shopping, and we've been resting and enjoying each other.

I am so thankful for my Jesus! I am thankful for a home to live in, and 5 beautiful little souls that fill it. I'm thankful for a husband who is steady and strong who loves God in a real way. We have been blessed beyond imagining this year.

Sometimes I feel like we are stuck in the "in-between", just waiting for the rest of our lives to start, but I realized today that we are exactly where God wants us for right now. I praise you my Father, for right now.

Tonight is the night!!!

I am having a girls' night out tonight... and not just any girls' night out. Tonight is the premiere of New Moon! I've been a huge twilight fan for a couple of years now, and so this is a big event. Tink, Bailey, and I, along with my BFF Amber who runs EyesOfAmber (only the bestest twilight blog in the whole wide world!) and several others, are having a very Twilight-y evening, complete with a party, a showing of Twilight, and finally.... New Moon!

I hate to do it... I so hate to do it... but.... SQUEEEEEE!!!!!

Memorial Box Monday

Woohoo! It's that time again... Memorial Box Monday (okay, so now it's Tuesday since I started the post yesterday and didn't get a chance to finish)! Today's episode took place just a couple of months ago.

JP and I had taken a much needed weekend to celebrate my birthday and our 10th anniversary. If you read this blog often, you'll know what a struggle it has been to parent Sassy. I was totally burned out, and absolutely confused, and we were talking about my state of mind while driving to our favorite restaurant in Knoxville. We were on an Interstate that had about 10 lanes total, which is a little intimidating to a smallish town girl like me. Trusty JP was at the wheel, so I wasn't overly concerned.

Every day with Indie was a struggle. If she wasn't engaging in some very troubling behaviors herself, she was inciting the other children in some way. Her particular target was Jonathan. Now, Jonathan has Asperger's syndrome, and is very easily upset to the point of meltdown. She loved to tell him that he couldn't do something (like, eat or play wii, for example), so she could watch the meltdown and just smile. So, you can imagine that it was mass chaos here. Despite the fact that we were having these issues with Indie, my love for her continued to grow and take root, and I just wanted to know what was going to happen with them. Would they stay or would they go? Would Indie get better... could she get better after everything she suffered? Why did they have to suffer in the first place? Am I qualified to handle this? Have I really been called to handle this? All of those questions and more were swirling in my mind, and I was voicing some of them.... and then I said to JP, "I'm starting to wonder if He really cares at all!"

It seems like mere seconds passed before the car in the lane beside us started to move into our lane... and there was someone in the lane beside us. JP laid on the horn, moved over a little, sped up alot, and managed to avoid disaster by literal centimeters. CENTIMETERS! Folks, JP is a pretty decent driver, but he's no NASCAR guy, and there is absolutely no way that he could have pulled off those maneuvers on his own.

God was there... listening, and took that opportunity to show me that He was there, will be there, and had been there all along... and that He cared so much. Nothing in our lives are accidents; He didn't start working on another project and leave us to fend for ourselves. And I got a peace that the state of my home was still in his divine will for us, and that He was listening.

I'll put a little NASCAR car in my memorial box to commemorate JP's great driving escape, orchestrated by my heavenly father.

A New Name...

Some of you may have noted that I have *finally* changed the name of my blog. I'd been meaning to do it for forever... you know, like a year or more... and just hadn't come up with anything unique. I felt like I needed something to display that we weren't really the average, ordinary family... and I'm certainly not the stereotypical mom. June Cleaver I am not!! I'm more comfortable at a christian rock concert than at a PTA meeting (I do go, but I don't have to like it, ok?). I'm quirky at best, and downright strange at worst. So, I needed a quirky, strange-ish, yet meaningful name for my little corner of cyberspace.

I love adoption. I love my God, and I love my family. That's what this blog is mostly about. For some reason I started to think about the "I AM" statements in the book of John (I am the way, the truth, and the life, etc.), and while looking at my lovely background, the statement "I am the true vine" came to mind. I started thinking about how God takes us -- these brown, withered up, dying vines, and he grafts us in to the living vine of Christ... which is kind of a metaphor for adoption. We join his vine; we join his family. And so, I want to be a little model of this grafted vine. I want to take these little struggling plants, and graft them into our family, just as we have been grafted into His. And so, you are now at "The Grafted Vine"... the Paul family blog. It's quirky! It's probably even strange... but it means something, at least to us.