Ok, ok... sorry folks. I had a pity party. I was feeling sorry for myself because I will loose these kids soon. The truth of the matter is that I've met the relatives that the girls will be going home to, and they are perfectly lovely people. Their aunt truly, truly loves these girls. And I know that if God would have asked me back in May , "Hey Sabrina. I'm going to send you these two little babies that are living in absolute misery right now. Ummm... there's a couple of problems. For one, the oldest one will drive you to the mental breaking point. The other, is that they will end up breaking your heart. You'll have them for a long while... six months or more. But you are just supposed to help them until their family is ready to have them back. Will you do this for me?"
I would do it for them alone, but I'd do it a thousand times over for Him!
Right now I'm watching my three little foster babies all cuddled together, watching Barney, happy as little clams. My job is to love them like crazy until they go home, and to show them some Jesus along the way. I know they are in His hands, and their situation is in His control, and THAT is the best possible place for them to be! He loves them infinitely more than I do or ever could. And how I thank God for the one who is nearly mine! His plan is so perfect that he knew she was coming even though I never would have seen it this way.
We have more kids out there somewhere too. I pray that God will lead us to find them, all in His time.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Same Question , Different Day
I'm really learning to loathe this mess we call a foster care system.
We are failing these babies. I'm beginning to wonder if it's irreparably broken. Our priorities are completely wrong for these children. When do we stop worrying about the parents' rights, and start worrying about a child's right to a real family? How much time should we give a parent to straighten out before we do the right thing? They say that 80% of all foster children return home. Home can be to a relative or the actual parent. A huge percentage of them end up right back in the system... even more broken than they were.
I have three precious little ones from the system right now (so one is 16, I don't care, she's still my baby). Tinkerbell has found her forever family in us, and we are so excited. I have to give some credit to her biological parents in this situation though. They voluntarily terminated their rights because they knew it was the right thing to do. I wonder if we would have even been able to adopt her otherwise?
The two little ones are almost certainly going home to a relative sometime in the next several months. I'm so afraid that this will just shatter them completely. They've both come so far. I fully expect them to be back in custody in no time. How broken will Indie be then? And so it is so difficult and frustrating to look into her little eyes... now filled with actual *trust*... and I know I'll have to break it. I know there will be a day in the not-so-distant future, when I'll have to try to explain to her that I'm not "mommy" anymore. She is so happy right now, and instead of rejoicing in her progress, I am heartbroken for the coming loss. I've spent some time wondering.... "God where ARE you?".
He's here. I know He is.
We are failing these babies. I'm beginning to wonder if it's irreparably broken. Our priorities are completely wrong for these children. When do we stop worrying about the parents' rights, and start worrying about a child's right to a real family? How much time should we give a parent to straighten out before we do the right thing? They say that 80% of all foster children return home. Home can be to a relative or the actual parent. A huge percentage of them end up right back in the system... even more broken than they were.
I have three precious little ones from the system right now (so one is 16, I don't care, she's still my baby). Tinkerbell has found her forever family in us, and we are so excited. I have to give some credit to her biological parents in this situation though. They voluntarily terminated their rights because they knew it was the right thing to do. I wonder if we would have even been able to adopt her otherwise?
The two little ones are almost certainly going home to a relative sometime in the next several months. I'm so afraid that this will just shatter them completely. They've both come so far. I fully expect them to be back in custody in no time. How broken will Indie be then? And so it is so difficult and frustrating to look into her little eyes... now filled with actual *trust*... and I know I'll have to break it. I know there will be a day in the not-so-distant future, when I'll have to try to explain to her that I'm not "mommy" anymore. She is so happy right now, and instead of rejoicing in her progress, I am heartbroken for the coming loss. I've spent some time wondering.... "God where ARE you?".
He's here. I know He is.
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