A miracle?

Two days in a row! Woohoo!

It's been a rough set of months, as we've mourned the absence of Indie and Sassy. Here, I am willing to admit that I've grown distant from God-- depressed, really, and weathering my days without much enthusiasm. Added to this has been the search for a new church, which really broke my heart. It took us well over a year to get settled in a new one, and that only occurred a couple of months ago. Even still, I feel like we are all battle-scarred by the process, just now looking for ways to invest ourselves in our new one. I"m very optimistic about the prospect, and I respect the pastor. If only I could be more like Mia Tiffany, who is already volunteering with the kids, where she excels. I miss doing high school ministry-- I know that we are called to it, and we are praying about how best to pick it back up.

In other news that I forgot to mention yesterday, JP finished his last college class! He will be walking in May, but is still all finished. I'm so proud of him! It's also really nice to have my honey back. Speaking of which, he has also started a business, which God very specifically called him to. It's slow starting, but all in God's timing.

Today, I find myself pondering our path again, which I do fairly often. I'm starting to see a foster care finish line down the road, and I wonder if 2011 will be our last year. I'm beginning to feel a pull toward a path that is familiar, but yet untraveled for our family. Lots of thinking and praying on that subject yet to come.

New Year's Resolution?

Ha! Maybe this year will be the year that I will be devoted to the blog. Sometimes I think the reason I don't like to write here is that I don't like reliving my days, as some tend to be fairly hellish. All in all, though, my days are much better than they were last year, when Indie and Sassy still were here. Beautiful news for them... they have finally been adopted! God worked such an amazing miracle in their lives. I miss them much more than I thought possible. We do get to see them occasionally. We saw them last on Indie's birthday, and I hope to see them in early January. I"ll ask their mom if she'll allow me to post pictures, but I'll understand completely if she chooses to guard their privacy.

The new adoption is going snail-slow, but pre-placement visits are still in progress. You might have guessed by now, but we are adopting Randy, a 13-year-old boy that we've done respite for in the past. It'll be a long road with him, and he may still choose to back out. The foster home that he is in now is wonderful, and he has serious apprehensions about leaving it. I hope that he chooses permanency, truly.

Pixie, Sissy, and Georgia are well settled and fitting in so well here. Beautiful little Pixie is a complicated mess, and I just continue to hope that she is improving. Sometimes in the midst of all this, it's hard to see progress since I'm constantly fighting the war. Many remarked on Indie and Sassy's marked improvement, but I never really saw or recognized it for myself. Sissy is a special little girl, with several health problems. She was actually supposed to have surgery today, but it had to be post-poned due to our snowy weather. She is making fantastic progress, both physically and educationally. Georgia is making improvements. This situation is so much harder for her than for the others. I pray for peace for her, as this seems to rapidly be going the way of TPR. Could we have 4 adoptions in 2011?

Jonathan and Juli are still thriving. Just as Georgia and Juli are the best of friends, Jonathan and Sissy are big buddies, which is so funny that my two "eccentric" kids have bonded. I actually think that having Sissy around has caused Jonathan to not want a brother anymore, which might be too bad since he'll be getting one anyway. Juli is in heaven with all these girls to play with. Such easy, amazing children they are!

I never have any trouble seeing the improvement in Mia Tiffany. She is doing extremely well in her new school. She has good friends, and a great boyfriend, and she has plans for the future. She has yet to have that teenage attitude, and she remains a constant help, and she is forever a sounding board and a bright spot in my life. I am so blessed with these 3 children of mine.

I'm going to try my best to keep you updated!

Announcement

At this time, I would like to direct you to the bottom of the screen, where I have a list of "past foster kids". I have some big news...



.... We will be adopting one of those children!!



Anybody care to wager which one?

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Surprise

Mia Tiffy, with her beloved pig balloon.

Today, I was minding my own business, and working on a clothing/laundry/simplification project when a familiar car showed up in my driveway. It was none other than --her-- "baby daddy". He came here to apologize to us because, when the whole situation was going on with --her--, he didn't believe what my husband had told him about her. I have no desire to tell the whole sordid mess, but suffice it to say that he's been played, and needed somebody to talk to who has been there, done that. He was shocked when he tried to get her to return his phone in a public place, she ran away from him, screaming, "Don't hurt me, stop hitting me". Not surprising, but detestable behavior, all the same.

This foster care world is tricky. I still love --her--, and probably always will. He does too, I'm sure, despite the belly-deep feeling of betrayal that he's feeling. For me, it's easier to move on, and unfortunately, his pain helps me to resolve my "what might have been"s. I just hope, and pray, that he can move on. We already have, but I still hope she can dig herself out of the mire, and one day realize that these constant machinations will alienate everybody that cares for her.

For now, life is really good here. JP has some time off from work while the girls get adjusted. The girls themselves are slowly carving out a place for themselves here. Pixie, 4, is loveable but angry. Already, we've cut the rages down to a couple of times weekly from a couple of times daily. Sissy, 5, is a complex creature who likes to stay in her shell, but has been making more frequent appearances. Georgia, 8, is conflicted, but sweet. She has a bit of an attitude problem, but we are chipping away at that as well.



Mia is enjoying her first normal summer of her life. She went to the beach with Uncle Harry and Aunt Bailey. She's had friends over, and she's just had a lot of fun. She cut her hair, inherited some monster goldfish, and is comfortable, settled, and happy.








Jonathan and Juli are much the same, with hearts so big that they have always accepted new kids with glee, and have shared their mom and dad. Jonathan really wants a brother, though, especially since Juli and Georgia are joined at the hip, nearly always together. Juli has suddenly taken on a deep southern twang, which is hilarious, especially considering she's missing her top two teeth, and has a bit of a natural lisp.

Wednesday is always one of my favorite nights of the week, because I don't have to cook!! We have potluck at church, and today is soup and sandwiches, yuuummy!

Blog Neglect

I'm guilty! So often I want to blog about things that happen around here, but I just never seem to get around to it. Of course, I'm fairly certain that my "not getting around to it" is more a function of not wanting to face some of the things that have happened. It's so much easier to go about my day, getting immersed in my research or everyday chores of having children and a family, than to retrace the steps of the last 4 months or so. However, I started this blog as both an outlet for me, and also to possibly help any other foster/adoptive families on their journey, and I'm not being fair to either of those goals. So, rather than drawing this out through several entries, maybe I'll just lay it all out there for all of you to see.

The first part is actually a huge, great, happening... one that we had been expecting for some time. As we were moving into our new house, we actually got a letter stating that we now, officially, legally, have a new daughter! My Tinkerbell can be introduced to the bloggy world as herself! Please, let me introduce, my daughter, Mia Tiffany!
We are so proud that her adoption is final! I really would love to post some more pics of the past couple of years, so that you can see her interact with the rest of us. She is an amazing blessing to our family. She is dependable and stable, and really, she should be the poster child for adopting older children. One of our friends from church often remarks that everybody needs a Tiffany (her name prior to finalization), and I could most definitely agree. She is coming through the harder times remarkably well, and she has expressed an interest in fostering and adopting. I couldn't be happier, and Lord knows she will have more than enough experience by that time!

So, on to less happy subjects. Or, if not less happy, then certainly more difficult to talk about. Indie and Sassy were a very difficult placement for many reasons, not the least of which was their behavior. Legally speaking, though, it was a very odd case from beginning to end. JP and I prayed very hard for guidance about whether or not we should file for custody for these children. The answer we got was a resounding no, to my everlasting surprise. We would have had to fight another family for them, and we both believed, and still do, that this family was *their* family. This is God's plan for them. This was obviously not our plan, but I know, and was promised by scripture, that there is a reason that will be revealed. This is the guidance we received at a tough point regarding them:

Habakkuk 2:3 (New International Version)

³ For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay.

This verse was meant for us, but also for Indy and Sassy's future adoptive parents, which is what we pray will occur. In the meantime, after a lengthy transition period, Indy and Sassy have moved to the home of their future adoptive parents, and are doing absolutely fantastic. We remain a part of their lives, and are overjoyed to see them often. They are adjusting well to our new role in their lives, and I believe that this situation has actually created a lot of healing, particularly for Indie.

As for us, it's been difficult all the way around. There were many dark days since we found out about this transition in late February. I've doubted, and wavered, and ended up back where we started, believing the word we were given. I love these two babies with all that I am, and even the really hard situation was not enough to lessen my desire to keep them with us. Besides, logically, I always believe that the less moving around, the better for any children. However, God is sovereign, and we, as a family, will obey. Period.

They left about a month ago, and everyone is dealing well, even Mia, who is still deeply saddened by their departure. Me? Well, I've never been much of a crier in response to my personal emotions, so I've not been sleeping very well. I miss them, but I keep busy, and I have so much peace knowing that they are were they are supposed to be, and that they are thriving.

In the midst of all of this Indie/Sassy drama, we got a call about a new placement in April. We were told that she was 17 and pregnant, and very little else. We embraced her with open arms, and loved her immensely. Her time here was marked by unfortunate circumstances-- both the pregnancy and the resulting miscarriage, as well as some issues with DSS. She ran away once, came back, only to refuse to go out of town with us, forcing the agency to place her for respite. At this point, both DSS, the agency, and us were forced to admit that she had to be placed elsewhere permanently. According to her, who I just can't find the strength to name on this blog, she didn't want to be a part of a family, didn't want to be loved, and thought we were nice, but deserved other children. She deserved us too, she just couldn't see it. She is doing well in the other foster home, which is structured differently than ours. I still have a heavy heart where she is concerned, but I have had no other choice but to try to move on. She briefly made some false allegations against us as well, when she found out that she couldn't return. The sad part is that I actually miss her, too. She was a very loveable child, if not a very honest one, and her life's hurts have buried her in such a way that she is not able to accept love from other people. I still worry about what the future holds for her, and I hope that she is able to overcome the challenges that she undoubtedly faces.

The thing that just really pisses me off about this whole situation, is that I feel like I have *given up* on three kids who needed me. Logically, I know that this is not the case with Indy and Sassy, but I will always wonder if there was something I could've done differently with ... her. It just feeds my worst fear, that as foster parents, we are more often part of the problem than we are part of the solution. I am unable to shake this thought, and I am praying for guidance regarding our family's future. We are still called to help the orphan, and I know that we are still called to adopt. I am no longer sure we are called to be foster parents, and I would personally like to transition to adopting through the foster care system exclusively. God will lead me, when the time comes. That time has certainly not come yet, as I still have three foster children, with a possibility of two more coming.

You see, the one good thing about the situation with... her is that we got to know DSS from a specific county, and despite the outcome, they were very pleased with us. Through her social worker, we have now received two other placements. The first is the "maybe" placement that would not occur for a couple of more months, if at all. The second came to us about a month ago. The last weekend that Indy and Sassy were with us, three little girls were placed here. They are doing well, and I'll tell you more about them later. For now, I'll tell you that we have a four-year-old- Pixie, a five-year-old- Sissy, and an eight-year-old-Georgia.

So, you are now officially caught up!

Memorial Box Monday: A bed

God really blessed our family in several different ways this past week, and I'm so excited to tell you guys about how amazing our God really is!

Thursday morning I was leisurely sleeping in, when my only little boy, Jonathan, came knocking on my bedroom door to tell me that someone was here. I wasn't expecting anybody, so it got me up and running pretty quickly. Who should be at our door but the director of our foster care agency! Apparently she had been trying to call us all morning, but had been unable to get anyone on the phone. She went to all of that trouble just to let us know about a potential placement. During our discussion, she asked if I had enough beds, and I was like, yeah, sure! Of course I do. I went upstairs to spread the news, and Tink was like.. "Um.... no, mom, you don't!" And then I counted the number of beds. Oops!

Of course, I sprinted to my computer, frantic to see if I could find one locally for sale. It also had to fit into a rather strict budget. I went to Craig's List, and a listing had been posted nine minutes earlier for a really lovely daybed with a mattress for a rock bottom, way better than I had dared to hope, price. I immediately e-mailed the seller. I let her know that the bed would be for our new foster placement, and prayed that God would push the seller to choose us!

A couple of hours later, I got a call from the seller. She chose us to purchase the bed because she, too, was a foster parent. Wow. We went to pick it up, and she said "God Bless You" on the way out. There's not a doubt in my mind that God provided a bed for one of our three new little ones. I'll put a little toy bed in our memorial box as a symbol of how God provided something amazing in record breaking time.

Ah... so much more to tell...

Memorial Box Monday: The House

Yep, I've been gone. Tons happened. I'll try to tell it all, but today I want to focus on our biggest surprise blessing from the last several months.

My honey and I were in the kitchen talking one day in late January or early February. We were about to legally outgrow our house. Let me explain. Our rental house was great for us. It had 3 decent size bedrooms, a very large living area, a place for the kids to play, good yard space, and all of that in a safe neighborhood. It was a perfect, God-sized blessing for those two years. As you readers may know, we moved in the house with only two kids, and now we have 5. Jonathan, being the only boy, had a very small bedroom to himself. Tink, Indie, and Juli shared a room, and JP, Sassy, and myself shared another. Sassy could share the room with us until she turned 2, and then she needed to be in her own bedroom, but the "girls" room was already maxed out. We had two options. 1) We could rent a bigger house, or 2)We could convert the living space into the girls room/playroom. We were both a little frustrated with our options. We have been praying for years for a home to call our own, and we just didn't want to go through the process of renting again, and we weren't financially prepared to buy.

After despairing a bit about our prospects, we agreed that God could do anything, and we would begin to find another home for us, knowing that we probably would have to give up a safe neighborhood to account for size. I had been looking at a rental home online for several years. Yes, years. It had a lot of balconies, so I was a little concerned, but the listing said that the home had 3-5 bedrooms, so I was willing to take a look.

We went to view the home on a very, very snowy day in February. We found that it had been empty for around 2-4 years. I was shocked, people, because this house was .... big. 5 bedrooms in actuality. Two of them big enough to hold "legally" 3-4 kids. There's a huge multi-purpose room upstairs, a big kitchen and dining room, and the kicker --- a ginormous yard big enough for football games. It wasn't perfect. It needed lots of updates, most of which were cosmetic. The layout is a little odd in spots, and the living room is pretty small (which was a big concern for us because we minister to college and high school kids, and we need room to congregate). However, we both saw room to grow, and to add to our family. We were aware that there was a small chance of a rent-to-own option, so we talked to the realtor about it.

After weeks of paperwork and such, we finally sat down to have a conference call with the elderly gentleman who owned the home. We were praying, and praying, and praying that we might have a chance someday, by way of rent-to-own, of owning this home and filling it with the pitter patter of little (and not so little) feet.

Aren't you glad that God is so much bigger than us? That in his infinite wisdom, when his plans come to fruition, that we can only stand at gape at how much he really, really loves us?


That conference call took a very unexpected turn. The owner of the home did not want to enter into a rent-to-own contract, and he was not at all happy with the appraisal value of the home. My heart was just pounding in my chest, and I saw our dream of a huge family get flushed. We were having a lot of trouble understanding the gentleman on the phone, and finally the realtor told him we would discuss the situation and call him back.

We discussed and lost hope. The phone rang, and it was the owner of the home, calling back to make a slight clarification. He didn't mean he didn't want us to buy the home. He just wanted TO FINANCE IT FOR US! Yes, no lending company, no two years of waiting to see if we could qualify to buy the home. Just straight owner financing.

I'm still in shock that God, in his great mercy, did what we thought was absolutely impossible-- he gave us a home so that we can raise our family, bring orphans home, foster children, and open that home up to youth and college students. The scale of this blessing is just out of this world. It's supernatural. It is, and only can be, GOD!

We received a little notecard from the former owner of the home the other day, and that will go into my memorial box to symbolize how God gave us such a huge answer to a prayer.

A long time coming...

This one has been brewing in my head for quite some time. On this thankful thursday, I want to thank you, in advance, who are willing to pray with me.


I often wonder...

Imagine, one day you are sitting in your living room, cuddled up to your hubby, watching a little TV. It's really cold outside, but your heater's working fine, and you're enjoying some hot cocoa and cookies to offset the weather. It's one of those heavenly moments where all is right with the world.

Then your doorbell rings. Well, that's odd, who can that be at this hour? And in this weather? You go to the door and open it, and find... a child! Maybe 3 years old -- crying nearly frozen tears, lips blue with cold. She's dressed in rags, and she's dirty, and her stomach is sunken in. It's obviously been a little while since she's had a good meal. In that moment, what would you do?

Oh, I know! You'd pat the child on the head and explain that you simply couldn't help her out. Your budget is stretched, and there's no room in the house, and you just couldn't take on any more responsibility right now. Maybe you'd give her a little baggy of cookies and send her on her way. You'd smile at her retreating back -- isn't she cute while she's eating those cookies? And you'd close the door, return to cuddling with your hubby, and hope you didn't miss any of the show after the commercial break.

Would you really do that?

OF COURSE NOT! You'd have that kid in out of the cold in fifteen seconds flat, and be calling social services as soon as you could put your hands on a phone. You'd fix that child a meal, and you would give her blankets and warm clothes. Of course you would!

So what's the difference? Why aren't we the same way with children that we good and well KNOW are living like this, but aren't standing on our doorstep. Should geography really dampen our compassion for this child? Do you think that God cares whether that kid is standing on your doorstep or standing in an orphanage in Uganda? Of course he doesn't!

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

It's simple. Frighteningly simple.

Matthew 25: 31-46

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

See? CRYSTAL CLEAR.

But, maybe you are saying, "I can't be a good parent!" That's okay. There are other ways to help the orphan! Sponsor a child through Amazima or give to Project Hopeful. Or just sponsor a couple you know who are in the middle of adopting a child.

Maybe you are saying, " I don't have the money to sponsor a child or adopt a child!" That's okay. There are still things you can do. You could be a foster parent, for instance.

AND, most importantly... YOU CAN PRAY!!!!!

Right now, the battle for the orphan is brutal. I believe, according to a word given to one of my bloggy friends, Linny, that God is sick of our apathy towards these little ones, and toward Him. We have to pray for God to stop this attack. You see, right now even our government is halting issuing Visas to children who have already been approved for guardianship through Uganda. The enemy is steadfast in stopping these children from going home.

So, do something!! You can. Do the most important thing. PRAY!!

Thankful Thursday

Today is one of those days when it's hard to be thankful. My grandfather passed away a couple of days ago, and his funeral was today, but I'm so thankful that he had a long and healthy life! He was almost 84 years old, and was on the roof cleaning out the gutters just a few weeks ago. I'm thankful that my grandmother is still with us, and that we have more time yet to spend with her.

Family is such a precious gift! Love on yours, today.

Loving the Difficult Child

I feel like, at 30 years old, I have a pretty healthy image of myself -- both the flaws and the good parts. At least, I used to. I've always loved children, and I've always been good with them. I'm stern, but consistent, without being mean, and I shower children with love and affection. I thought those were set-in-stone truths about me.

Then God showed me something that came as a very unpleasant surprise.

As you all probably know, I was chomping at the bit to get some little ones in my home. I missed little gummy smiles and even diapers. I got what I wished for, but I'm finding it's not at all like I imagined. About 8 months ago, two little girls arrived in our home. The little one was a joy, particularly for the first couple of months. Now she's going through the terrible twos, which is not so fun, but is totally expected. Indie, the 2, now 3, year-old, though, has been a challenge of epic proportions. She hasn't set anything on fire or killed anyone (yet), but it's the little things. Constant lying, constant disobedience, jaw-dropping defiance, sneaky behaviors, stealing, inciting arguments and fights.... I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Last night, she woke up Tink at 4:30 in the morning by throwing things at her. Which is not the first or even fifth time this week she has thrown something at Tink.

To make this long story short, I'm totally defeated. I lose patience constantly with her, which makes me more short and on edge with Sassy, and even Jonathan and Juli to some degree. I feel like I'm constantly at "simmer" just waiting to boil over. Right now, I'm not good with these kids. I've tried every disciplinary tactic at my disposal, but nothing works. I keep wondering how Jesus would handle a kid like Indie, and I keep coming up with LOVE, and forgiveness. So here's the big money question. How do I show love to this child?

Tink and I were discussing love and marraige recently, and I was emphasizing to her how love is an action, not a feeling. Loving someone is treating them with respect and kindness, and putting their needs over your own, not some butterflies-in-tummy emotion that is so very temporary. And then I thought about Indie. Is my love for her coming out in my actions?

Busted.

But the problem still remains. How do I love her, yet guide her in the way she should go? How can I love her, yet protect the other little ones in my home (like, protecting Tink from projectile objects?). So, God has shown me that I have some work to do... any ideas on how I might do it?