My Very First Memorial Box Monday!!!

I am so excited to finally start a Memorial Box! I haven't actually acquired the box yet, but I'm going to start gathering the items that will eventually go in the box.

So, today, on my very first Memorial Box Monday, I'm flooded with ideas for stories and items, and I'm really having trouble picking one! But, this month marks the first anniversary of our little "laundry room barbeque". The circumstances of that event have obviously been on my mind.

In Mid-November 2008, we *finally* got the call that we had been waiting for more than a year. We got a permanent placement! We were cautiously excited, and we knew that she would be coming in early December. The night before Thanksgiving, we had a couple of students at the house watching movies. I went into the laundry room, and I smelled that electrical burning smell that is s0 very distinctive. This had happened before, and last time it had been a problem with the water heater. We immediately called the owner of the house so that someone would fix the issue. I had JP scour the laundry room to make sure nothing else could be causing the smell, and we were satisfied when we went to bed that all was well.

It just so happened that we were leaving to go out of town the next day, and it just so happened that my mother had offered for us to stay in her home that night since we anticipated that we would run out of hot water. We declined her offer... thank you, Jesus! Now, my JP has sleep apnea, so he has to wear this very complicated and loud mask at night so he won't stop breathing in his sleep. For some reason, he forgot to put on his mask before he fell asleep.

Early the next morning, the smell of smoke woke him. I know, that's not supposed to happen - you aren't supposed to smell smoke in your sleep... but I absolutely believe that God made that possible. He jumped out of bed, and ran down stairs, yelling for me to wake the kids up on the way down. After just a few seconds, he yelled for me to get them out RIGHT NOW!!! For some reason, my little boy, Jonathan, had ended up in bed in his underwear... maybe he got too warm in bed? I don't know. But I yanked a shirt over his head and dragged them down the stairs and out the door and into the car (it was COLD!). Please note that neither of our smoke alarms had gone off yet, and by this time the laundry room was fully ablaze. I ran back inside (since there was very little smoke), and called 911. I went back to the porch and witnessed my studly honey running through the house (in a T-shirt and boxers, I might add), carrying a small bowl of water, which was sloshing out everywhere as he was running. Later on I would think this image was really hilarious, but at the time, I just yelled ," GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!". And it was totally a God-thing that we even had those fire extinguishers to begin with-- we were required to have them for foster care. Not only that, but we were required to carry renter's insurance by state law.

In the end, JP managed to put the fire out before the fire department even got there. We sustained minimal fire damage, but alot of smoke damage. The worst part is that we were displaced for several weeks while the damage was repaired. We were so scared that we wouldn't be able to accept our placement. But, our agency was amazing, and they arranged for respite while we were waiting to move back in. In the meantime, we were spending the rest of our meager resources on the necessities... clothes, school supplies, etc. We talked to Tinkerbell on the phone for a week or so before she came, and we found out that she was coming only with the clothes she had. We would need to provide all toiletries and school supplies when she arrived. We honestly had no idea how we were going to pay for this. Our bank account was absolutely exhausted.

Out of the blue one sunday, one of the church employees pulled my husband aside and gave him a gift card to Walmart that covered all of Tinkerbell's expenses. We were so thankful.

So, for my first Memorial Box entry, I'll put in an empty WalMart Gift Card to remind us that the Lord may give, and the Lord may take away, but he ALWAYS provides-- Jehovah Jireh.

30 Days and a Year

Thirty days ago we had a marathon court session in the county that all three of our girls are from. It was a total coincidence that the case for Sassy and Indie and the case for Tinkerbell were set on the same day.

It was quite a day people! For one, Tinkerbell's biological mom was allowed to visit her for a few days around the court date, and we actually transported her to court and generally entertained her for a couple of days. I have been so surprised to find that I like Tinkerbell's mom. Despite whatever her failings have been as a mother to Tink, I feel like she has her best interest at heart. The day of the court hearing, we also had the... um.... opportunity to meet her biological father. Unfortunately, my feeling for him is much less pleasant, and I feel that he's interests are primarily self serving. So, put all of these people in the courtroom and put them last on the docket.

THEN, add the fact that the little girls' case was in the first session, and the first thing that we heard that morning was that the case was not going to go as planned. They would probably go home that day!! Whoa. That's really all I can say. Rather that having the emotional reaction that I wanted to have, I focused on the practical problems that we faced. I mean, I needed to get the girls' laundry washed for the week, and we hadn't packed anything, and their toys were all mixed in with Jonathan and Juli's toys. My fantastic brother-and sister-in-law were watching the kids while we were over an hour a way from home, and there is no way that they could get all of that together. And there was a slight possibility that they would be gone before we ever got back to our hometown, since Tink's case was so late in the day. Would we even get to say goodbye? Of course, then I thought about Tink-- on the most stressful day in the world for her, I was going to have to make it worse by breaking this news to her before the judge heard the case so she would be prepared for the outcome.

It was such a mess, people. Tink's parents were arguing with each other, which had her crying anyway, then I had to talk to her about the little girls, and only made it much worse. We tried calling home so that Bailey could try to start making some preparations, and we couldn't get them on the phone. All this while court was in session. We were sitting on the back row, and my JP got my hands and pulled me to his side, and we prayed together on the back bench, praying only that this day would be resolved according to his Master plan.

Oh, and did I mention that the girl's mom was there, and we got to see and hear from her for the first time?

So, case number 1 was called. I expected to have to give some long disposition about the struggles the girls were having, and about the progress they have made. I only choked out one sentence in support of something that the girls' grandmother said. And it was over within a couple of minutes -- we'd review it again in six months.

I felt such massive relief! I praised my God in my head. They probably will go back home in April, but... we were given the gift of TIME. More time for the girls to heal, more time for the girls to bond with me so that they can transfer that bond to their aunt, time for them to get to know their family, and time for us to say goodbye. An amazingly precious, although somewhat bittersweet, gift from my Daddy in Heaven.

And we ran into the aunt and grandmother downstairs at the vending machine and had a really fantastic, long, talk about the girls and about God's will for their little lives. I feel very much that God wants them there, and that has given me a large measure of peace for them, and for the future of our family.

So, after lunch and recess, paperwork, squabbling and so forth, case 2 was called. We were all called into the judges' chambers to hear Tinkerbell's TPR case. Her parents had already agreed, whether for totally unselfish or selfish reasons, to voluntarily terminate their rights. It was the strangest court case I could have imagined, since my daughter was charming the judge with her mis-matched socks, and she had the whole room of suits laughing. JP turned to me and said, "She just lights up a room, doesn't she?" Yes, she really does. Soon I"ll get to show you.

There was a 30 day hold on the paperwork before we could actually file the adoption petition, and today marks the 30th day. We were assigned a lawyer, and finalization should be in late January or Early February. We have yet to actually file that petition, but it should be soon. We are so, incredibly excited by the prospect of finally adopting this "unadoptable" child. A work that only God can accomplish. This month marks one year since we were first called about her placement. It feels like she's been with us forever.

OK, so I had a little party

Ok, ok... sorry folks. I had a pity party. I was feeling sorry for myself because I will loose these kids soon. The truth of the matter is that I've met the relatives that the girls will be going home to, and they are perfectly lovely people. Their aunt truly, truly loves these girls. And I know that if God would have asked me back in May , "Hey Sabrina. I'm going to send you these two little babies that are living in absolute misery right now. Ummm... there's a couple of problems. For one, the oldest one will drive you to the mental breaking point. The other, is that they will end up breaking your heart. You'll have them for a long while... six months or more. But you are just supposed to help them until their family is ready to have them back. Will you do this for me?"

I would do it for them alone, but I'd do it a thousand times over for Him!

Right now I'm watching my three little foster babies all cuddled together, watching Barney, happy as little clams. My job is to love them like crazy until they go home, and to show them some Jesus along the way. I know they are in His hands, and their situation is in His control, and THAT is the best possible place for them to be! He loves them infinitely more than I do or ever could. And how I thank God for the one who is nearly mine! His plan is so perfect that he knew she was coming even though I never would have seen it this way.

We have more kids out there somewhere too. I pray that God will lead us to find them, all in His time.

Same Question , Different Day

I'm really learning to loathe this mess we call a foster care system.

We are failing these babies. I'm beginning to wonder if it's irreparably broken. Our priorities are completely wrong for these children. When do we stop worrying about the parents' rights, and start worrying about a child's right to a real family? How much time should we give a parent to straighten out before we do the right thing? They say that 80% of all foster children return home. Home can be to a relative or the actual parent. A huge percentage of them end up right back in the system... even more broken than they were.

I have three precious little ones from the system right now (so one is 16, I don't care, she's still my baby). Tinkerbell has found her forever family in us, and we are so excited. I have to give some credit to her biological parents in this situation though. They voluntarily terminated their rights because they knew it was the right thing to do. I wonder if we would have even been able to adopt her otherwise?

The two little ones are almost certainly going home to a relative sometime in the next several months. I'm so afraid that this will just shatter them completely. They've both come so far. I fully expect them to be back in custody in no time. How broken will Indie be then? And so it is so difficult and frustrating to look into her little eyes... now filled with actual *trust*... and I know I'll have to break it. I know there will be a day in the not-so-distant future, when I'll have to try to explain to her that I'm not "mommy" anymore. She is so happy right now, and instead of rejoicing in her progress, I am heartbroken for the coming loss. I've spent some time wondering.... "God where ARE you?".

He's here. I know He is.

The Unexpected

Hey there bloggy land! We just returned from the hospital where Tinkerbell just had emergency gall bladder surgery. I have a ton of things to do today, but I wanted to let you know what's been going on here. She is resting comfortably, finally, and I ask that you all will pray for her healing.

In other news, the adoption is going well!

I'll keep you updated...

Thankful Thursday

I know I haven't finished the JP story yet, but today I feel compelled to thank my amazing Father God. As many blessings that He has poured over us this last couple of months, it's also been bery trying. Dealing with Indie has been a gigantic challenge. For one, she's two. Two year old's are difficult under the best circumstances, and hers is hardly that. I pray for patience and strength all the time. He is so faithful though, and she is improving nearly every single day.

After they'd been here a couple of weeks, I was still trying to maintain a piece of that "they're leaving in a couple of weeks" distance. JP and I had just gone to bed, and we were chatting a bit, as we are known to do. I told him, " I just don't think they are ours, honey." And all of the sudden, I was off and running. Indie was crying. I'd get her settled and she'd cry again. And then Sassy would start. This whole scenario ran for about an hour and half. During this whole deal of soothing and settling, mostly for Indie, I felt that tug. I can't explain it, but I knew that He was trying to tell me something. Finally, I settled Indie down in bed with me, because she just couldn't sleep. I finally managed to give up that piece I'd been holding back. I think He was telling me that I was wrong. They are ours.

So, today, I am thankful for my God who is fulfilling his promises, even as we speak.

Blessings Abound

Hey there bloggy land!! I've missed you all. I have just been soooo busy for my two newest babies... you know, the ones that we were only supposed to have for 6-8 weeks? Well, we just passed the two month mark, and it looks like a miracle of God sized proportions has occurred!!

We may just get to keep them!!

The girls were supposed to go to a relative placement, but that's probably not going to happen. We aren't sure what will happen from here, but His works are amazing, and I can't wait to sit back and watch.

Just several weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about how funny it was that we started this whole foster care thing for a chance to adopt, and we end up with three unadoptable kids. Ha. Ha ha. My God loves long odds. Within a couple of weeks, we go from three unadoptable kids to one kid in the process of being adopted!!! Our beautiful, wonderful Tinkerbell. I am so excited to share her with you guys. The very same worker that I was complaining about a couple of months ago is trying his hardest to get this adoption to go through. So far, it is going very well. I desperately hope I have concrete news to share soon.

So, the two new little ones have court on August 4th. This should be a non-issue. After that, it looks like they are going to try for TPR. Oh could it be that all three of my unadoptable babies will be all mine?

I humbly ask that you pray for all three of these girls, particularly "Indie". These babies have been through Hell, and are still trying to work their way out. Both are making tremendous strides. Sassy is a happy, joyful, normal baby these days. She's gained several pounds and is learning to talk. Indie is doing so much better, but there's still a long road ahead.

Thanks again, and I love you all!

-Beenie!