Foster Care, International Adoption, Lurkers... and most importantly GOD!!

This year has been such a roller coaster for us. It's been about a year since we got the call to foster 3 children. It was totally out of the blue; we hadn't even finished our paperwork! We went from expecting small children to wanting a teenager. We finally, finally got a permanent placement, only to have our little "laundry room barbeque" and be displaced for several weeks. Luckily, we still got our girl. And now, here I am, almost a year later, and I'm sure of one thing. God's been in it all.

Here's the thing, though... I think God's been at it a while. I remember knowing a girl who was adopted from Korea growing up, and I thought that it was the *coolest* thing ever! She was so beautiful, and I saw how wonderful it was for her. Of course, it never occurred to me that I could adopt a child from another country. I watched my aunt as she went through a few foster children. I thought, "Now THIS ... I can do." My parents had two foster placements. One left after 24 hours, and the other was removed from our home because he had become too violent. So, I thought... "eeeh.... I don't know about this after all." And then I filed it all away.

Fast forward a few years. I went to a conservative Christian college with a very high international population. We were required to attend 25 chapel services per semester. I was running behind (ha... imagine that) for the semester, so I attended the International Fair for chapel credit. I think that God put me there for a reason, guys. This guy handed me a flyer as I was walking by the booth. It was about the plight of little girls in China, and about an adoption program that paired waiting families with waiting little girls. I was heartbroken, and I felt in my heart that I would adopt one day. I always assumed that it would be from China, but I couldn't have known what God would have in store for me.

The next year, I had a final break with the man I thought I was going to marry. One of our biggest disagreements was that he didn't want children at all. He thought we could "work something out"... maybe have one or even stretch it to two. BUT... I had a secret. I never told anyone. I wanted a big family. I mean, a *big* family. My dad was one of nine, and I secretly wanted to be a part of a family like that. I was an only child, so I wasn't going to have 8 siblings... but I could be the mom of many... right? But, my family put so much pressure on me to succeed in life-- get a good job and do them proud, you know? I just couldn't tell them them the wish that lurked somewhere deep in there, because they would never understand. There even came a point where I refused to hold new babies, and stopped interacting with children at all. I was so desperately afraid that I would never have a baby of my own to hold.

Then God led me to JP. That's another story all in itself, but I convinced him that we wanted kids really early on. I just knew we weren't going to be able to have any children. God surprised me with Jonathan. It took us a year to conceive him, and I see the hand of God in the timing, since I graduated college just a couple of weeks before giving birth. Less than a year later, I got pregnant with Juli. We expected it to take a year or more, but this time I think I got pregnant right away. This one, however, was not a smooth pregancy. Three months in, I had to have an ovary and a tube removed. We were just so glad that she survived it all! The doctor's assured me that I would not have trouble having another baby whenever I wished to. Ha.

It took a couple of years before the longing for another child started to grow within me. It was more difficult, though, because JP and I were having some pretty consistent marital problems. My "feeling" I had as a young adult that I would be infertile came to pass. Not a feeling at all, I think, but a warning. God blessed us so much with these two biological children, but I wanted more! I had so many people tell me that I should feel lucky to have these two, particularly because they were the "perfect set"-- boy and girl. I just couldn't help wanting another.

It was around this time that I began to believe and trust in God in a *real* way. God healed my marraige. Looking back a couple of years, I don't even recognize the people that we were. My husband is one of my greatest gifts, and I'm so grateful for God's work in our life! Still, the desire for children remained. One day I happened to tune in to Adoption Stories on Discovery Health. I really began to love that show! And one day, I saw a story about a young couple who adopted a little boy from India. He looked just like Jonathan... and I saw all of those babies in their cramped little cribs in the tiny little room they called an orphanage... and my heart just broke. I remembered the flier that someone had given me so many years before, and God placed in my heart a deep love for orphans.

At first I thought we'd eventually adopt internationally -- like, WAY in the future. But then I found that I had to do something now. Our journey through the foster care system is detailed in various posts over the last year, and now I am the mother of three -- at least, temporarily.

I still have the desire for MORE!! I feel like God has placed this desire in my heart, I just don't know how he plans to meet this need of mine. I have been introduced lately to a promise:

Psalms 113:9
HE settles the barren woman in her home as the happy mother of children.


I know he will fulfill his promises. Now, we're just wondering.. How?