People don't want to adopt from kids in the foster system because it is WAY TOO HARD!! I've had some really frustrating days with the system in the last year, but this week it's been ... overload. Take for example, Tinkerbell's social worker put her through the wringer yesterday, only to end up exactly where we started. He is rude and mean to her, and he's extremely vague with us. He drives me nuts!!!
Then, we ran into some people that were in PATH class with us. They had a placement for 20 months. They were certain that these kids' parents were going to have their rights terminated. And at the last second, Dad gets custody and they had about 2 hours to have the kids ready to go. Infuriating.
The reason that any sane person doesn't want to adopt from the foster care system is because at any second you could loose a child to someone who you *know* will abuse them. You will never get any thanks from the workers. You will be made to enforce rules that you don't believe in. You will watch workers treat the kids like crap, and then you will be yelled at for the slightest technical infraction.
But, it's probably still worth it. After all, the kids shouldn't pay for the faults of the system, and yet that's what happens every single day. I know that we wouldn't trade Tinkerbell for anything.
So, do we pray for another placement? Do we *want* another placement?
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4 comments:
I can't imagine how hard a post that was to write. It's so sad that the system works this way...absolutely horrile, but I think Tinkerbell is definitely worth it. I'm guessing there is someeone else out there worth it too.
No matter how short a time they are in your home, if you give them some sense that life doesn't have to be what they've come from. You show them that there is hope out there. Maybe they'll grow up to treat their children differently because of the time they spent with you.
It is a difficult and noble cause that you face, but I'm sure it is worth it. Remember, He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it. You are making a difference.
Sounds like you have a crappy worker. We are with a private agency, and I can say they ARE in it for the children. They go above and beyond.
There case loads are a lot smaller.
Our foster son still has a DFACs case worker, but we dont deal with her our agency does.
Have you thought about foster via a private agency?
I am so sorry this are so crazy and hard right now. It is hard to deal with all the workers (especially if the worker is "difficult")and all the stupid red tape everyone has to go through to get anything accomplished. That is so frustrating to me!!! I am also a foster mom. About 6 months ago we said goodbye to our sweet Baby A. who we had from 2 days old to 8 months old. We were hoping to adopt her and that is our primary goal..adoption. But in the end having had the opportunity to have Baby A. in our lives was worth the hard parts of fostering and was worth the grief we struggle with now that she is no longer here. What you are doing is amazing and you are doing special and important work. People like YOU are the people who can make a difference and hopefully help make foster care and adoption of waiting children better! Thank you for being so open with your feelings...it helps those of us doing the same things and struggling in the same ways!
((((HUGS))))))
Brenda in UT
Well, oddly enough, we ARE with a private agency. And please, let me just say, that our private agency is *amazing*. However, just about all of Tinkerbell's *stuff* (visits, rules, regulations, permission to go on trips, etc) still has to go through the state worker. And, yes, I agree, we do have a crappy worker. *sigh* Although it's hard to admit that because we want Tinkerbell to respect his authority, although we really don't most of the time. Thank you guys so much for your encouragement! I had no idea I had lurkers!!!
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